> > How many men does it take to open a beer?
> > None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because
> >a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
> >be able to support you.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Why do women have smaller feet than men?
> > It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
> >closer to the kitchen sink.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> > When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
> > ----------------------------------------
> > How do you fix a woman's watch?
> > You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Why do men break wind more than women?
> > Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
> > pressure.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
> > front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up
> >once
> > you let him in.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> > A woman who won't do what she's told.
> > --------------------------------------
> > I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt
> >her.
> > ---------------------------------------
> > Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
> >by
> > 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I
> >said,
> > "Dust!"
> > ----------------------------------------
> > In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
> > Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then,
> > neither God nor Man has rested.
> > ------------------------------------------
> > Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
> > said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said,
> > "God, I wish I had your willpower."
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
> > doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
> > Dad: That happens in every country, son.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
> > Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They
> > all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
> > ----------------------------------------
> > The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
> > once.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
> >with
> > a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
> > None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because
> >a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
> >be able to support you.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Why do women have smaller feet than men?
> > It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
> >closer to the kitchen sink.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> > When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
> > ----------------------------------------
> > How do you fix a woman's watch?
> > You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Why do men break wind more than women?
> > Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
> > pressure.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
> > front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up
> >once
> > you let him in.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> > A woman who won't do what she's told.
> > --------------------------------------
> > I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt
> >her.
> > ---------------------------------------
> > Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
> >by
> > 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I
> >said,
> > "Dust!"
> > ----------------------------------------
> > In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
> > Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then,
> > neither God nor Man has rested.
> > ------------------------------------------
> > Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
> > said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said,
> > "God, I wish I had your willpower."
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
> > doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
> > Dad: That happens in every country, son.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
> > Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They
> > all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
> > ----------------------------------------
> > The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
> > once.
> > ----------------------------------------
> > Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
> >with
> > a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
