Xmas --make me laughs--
- Thread starter Senor Capper
- Start date
Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines
1. "I'm down here"
2. "Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy"
3. "I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi"
4. "I can get you off the naughty list"
5. "I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys"
6. "I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."
7. "No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler"
8. "I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man"
9. "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig"
10. "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners"
[This message has been edited by TORONTO-VIGILANTE (edited 12-24-2001).]
1. "I'm down here"
2. "Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy"
3. "I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi"
4. "I can get you off the naughty list"
5. "I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys"
6. "I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."
7. "No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler"
8. "I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man"
9. "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig"
10. "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners"
[This message has been edited by TORONTO-VIGILANTE (edited 12-24-2001).]
A little kid sits on Santa's lap, and Santa says, "What would you like for Christmas?"
The kid says, "A damn swingset."
Santa says, "You'll have to ask nicer than that if you want Santa to bring you presents. Let's try again. What else would you like?"
The kid says, "A damn sandbox for the side yard."
Santa says, "That's no way to talk to Santa. One more time. What else would you like for Christmas?"
The boy thinks for a minute, and then he says, "I want a damn trampoline in the front yard."
Santa lifts the boy off his lap and goes to talk to the kid's parents. He tells them what the kid said, and then says, "I know how to stop it. Don't get him anything for Christmas except dog doo. Put a pile of dog doo in the backyard where he wants the swingset, put another pile in the side yard where he wants the sandbox, and another pile in the front yard where he wants the trampoline. That should make him change his tune."
Christmas morning the kid goes downstairs to open his presents, and there aren't any. He runs out the back door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the side door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the front door, looks around, and comes back in, shaking his head.
His father says, "What's wrong, son?"
The kid says, "Santa brought me a damn dog, but I can't find him."
The kid says, "A damn swingset."
Santa says, "You'll have to ask nicer than that if you want Santa to bring you presents. Let's try again. What else would you like?"
The kid says, "A damn sandbox for the side yard."
Santa says, "That's no way to talk to Santa. One more time. What else would you like for Christmas?"
The boy thinks for a minute, and then he says, "I want a damn trampoline in the front yard."
Santa lifts the boy off his lap and goes to talk to the kid's parents. He tells them what the kid said, and then says, "I know how to stop it. Don't get him anything for Christmas except dog doo. Put a pile of dog doo in the backyard where he wants the swingset, put another pile in the side yard where he wants the sandbox, and another pile in the front yard where he wants the trampoline. That should make him change his tune."
Christmas morning the kid goes downstairs to open his presents, and there aren't any. He runs out the back door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the side door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the front door, looks around, and comes back in, shaking his head.
His father says, "What's wrong, son?"
The kid says, "Santa brought me a damn dog, but I can't find him."
