YANKEES SIGN NOLAN RYAN

nitwit

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Yankees Sign Nolan Ryan
In the eyes of Yankee broadcaster Suzyn Waldman, there was never a more dramatic moment in Yankee history than the announcement that Roger Clemens was returning to the pinstripes. Many Yankee fans weren?t quite as hysterical, but were nevertheless overjoyed that the 44-year-old walking steroid endorsement was back to contribute five innings of pitching every five days. But during Monday night's victory over the blue jays, the fans were once again directed to the owner?s booth for another dramatic announcement: Hall of Fame pitcher Nolan Ryan had also been hoisted out of his Texas home and brought in to pitch for the Yankees.
Ms. Waldman didn?t going flying out of the broadcast booth this time, and Yankees fans seemed underwhelmed by the announcement, but there was Ryan, waving to fans saying he couldn?t wait to get going. ?I?ll be ready in August,? he said to the drunken collection of hoodlums known as Yankees fans.
Later Ryan told Call of the Green Monster he was somewhat bewildered by the Yankees offer. ?I?m 60 years old and have heart problems for crying out loud,? he murmured. ?But Steinbrenner calls me and offers me $70 million to pitch for two months?who can turn that down? I might be better than Kei Igawa, but I know I?m going to get lit up. Hell, it?s their money.?
A furious Brian Cashman explained that the increasingly delusional and desperate Steinbrenner often loses track of time?and even the decade?and frequently requests that players from the past be brought in, even some of whom are dead. ?When ARod was slumping last year he kept telling me to get Mickey Mantle on the phone,? Cashman explained.
Ryan not only is looking forward to the money he will get from the Yankees, but figures his endorsements with Advil will start up again too. ?As long as they send the paychecks,? Ryan laughed, ?as long as they send the paychecks.?
 

SixFive

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Mar 12, 2001
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:wtf: I think this is bs, but I can't find anything on it either way. If true, G.S. really has lost it.
 

The Judge

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This is from a bullshit Red Sox fan site called CalloftheGreenMonster.com

Here is another "gem" from the site:


Tragedy came to Fenway Park yesterday as a foul ball into the right field grandstands was ardently pursued by fans and left two dead and several injured. A towering fly ball sent scores of adults in pursuit of the ball, knocking over children and elderly fans, until two grown men violently clashed heads and died instantly. As the ball squirted loose, dozens of other fans chased after it, and the sound of broken bones and crushed bodies cast a sickening pall over the park, leaving a bloody war zone behind.

?It?s really the oddest of obsessions among sports fans: the pursuit of trying to catch a foul ball during a baseball game,? a shaken Larry Lucchino said in the wake of the tragedy. ?The ball itself is not terribly valuable--costs a few bucks--yet somehow fans desperately want one. I can understand kids, but every night we have security guards breaking up fights between grown men over a baseball. A baseball. You see grown men bringing fishing nets, baseball gloves?I don?t understand it.?

The irony of the revolting bloodshed is that while the adults were stepping over the dead bodies and throwing punches, kicking, hurling obscenities, and threatening the lives of each other?s families, six-year old Bobby Timmons walked up, crawled beneath the brawling adults, and picked up the ball. When the adults saw him with it, a chase ensued, but when SWAT teams arrived to protect little Bobby, the mayhem finally ended. Dozens of arrests were made, while ambulances carried out one fan after another.

When little Bobby was asked what he planned to do with the ball, he looked curiously at his questioner. ?Play with it,? he said.
 
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