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  1. J

    Favorite Madjack Quotes

    Haskell to BTJ ~ If you really do fear for your life, I'm sure the Boston police can place you in a witness protection program, change your identity, and move you to a new location (preferably without internet access). Pee Pee ~ Now it's time for Taoist, YYZ, BobbyBlueBalls, Barfly, hooters...
  2. J

    Conversation Gone Wrong

    Dinner Conversation Gone Wrong > >WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" >HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" >WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" >HUSBAND: "Of course I do." >WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you re-marry?" >HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married...
  3. J

    Funny Stuff!!!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did."...
  4. J

    Irish Confession

    Irish Confession Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?" Yes, Father, it is." "And, who was the woman you were with?" "I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Tommy...
  5. J

    Wheelbarrow Style

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor suggested they vary their position. "For example," he suggested, "you might try the wheelbarrow. Lift her legs, penetrate and off you go." The...
  7. J

    To funny

    I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato...
  8. J

    And for my 500th post ... sorry the best I could do

    I was thinking of a pic of Madjacks Softball Team but Bonez says I have to wait to show you that one. Perfect There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve...
  9. J

    15 Reasons Why Beer is Better than Men...

    1. You can have more than one beer at a time. 2. You can get the size beer you want, even a long neck! 3. A beer won't give you whisker burns. 4. You can suck on one beer all night long if you want. 5. A beer doesn't have to be HARD to be good. 6. You don't have to finish a beer in 2 minutes...
  10. J

    The Three Bears In 2003: To Funny

    THIS SHOULD END ALL 3 BEARS STORIES Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!", he squeaks. Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and...
  11. J

    Joke

    So Pee Pee is shopping a supermarket for some stuff he needed for his apartment. He goes up to the cashier with one T.V dinner, one pot pie, a can of soda, a single toothbrush. The cashier starts to ring him out and she says to him, "You must be single." He say, "you could tell from all the...
  13. J

    Polish Joke

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him. The police officer on duty was intrigued by this and he asked, "How sure are ya that she is gonna kill ya? Did she...
  14. J

    Dumb Lawyers

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist. Here's what happened: Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did...
  15. J

    Top 10 Rejection Lines given by Men (and what they really mean)

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.) 9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.) 8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.) 6. I've got a girlfriend...
  16. J

    Top Ten Signs You Are A Slut

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Top Ten Signs You're A Slut..... . You become a K-Y spokesperson. . Having two tampons in at the same time doesn't bother you. . You go through a Sealy Mattress every week. . Frederick of Hollywood actually comes to your door himself... ....just to...
  17. J

    Where oh where has our EDDIE gone?

    Eddie oh Eddie where have you been? I sure do miss your charm and wit on this thread. I will tell you it has been pretty dull without you around here. Just not the same. You aren't still embarrassed about your drunken behavior on here are you? How about Pee Pee where has he been? Did Miss Helen...
  19. J

    Tee Time Great One

    Between 6:30 and 6:45 Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7:00 a.m. on Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them transferred...
  20. J

    The Date

    The Date Diane had been divorced for a few years and, very lonely, finally consented to going out on a date with Tony, the gentleman her daughter fixed her up with...
  21. J

    Curiosity

    Curiosity The new town pastor walked into a neighborhood bar, and stood quietly for a moment, watching everyone in the place dancing. The place was hopping with loud music. Every once in a while the lights would go out, and the entire crowd would erupt into cheers. After a few moments the...
  22. J

    Her Side His Side

    Humor... Her Side of the Story: My husband was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it. I...
  23. J

    Sex Sex Sex LOL

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "What do I know about sex? I'm a married man." Tom Clancy "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. " Steve Martin "You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither." Drew Carey...
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