An Interesting List

C

ctownguy

Life is Good
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Jul 27, 2000
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18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-g! raders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right! people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.



GOD BLESS AMERICA

Oops, can't do that either.

:scared :shrug: :00hour
 
C

ctownguy

Life is Good
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Jul 27, 2000
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Don't know yet, still getting there slowly but surely, but I can tell you I'm getting sick of Creamy soups and pudding. ugh:nono:
 
C

ctownguy

Life is Good
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Jul 27, 2000
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Hey penguinfan, how you doing?

Hoping the cup comes to So Cal tonight.

Take care and your post is sooo true.:mj07:
 
Penguinfan

Penguinfan

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Vanished into vortex
shamrock

shamrock

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Aug 12, 2001
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ct, didn't know you were not feeling well, glad to hear your doing better. Keep up the good fight.:box2:


ps, Didn't see anything about science on that list. Do those forth grade sex teachers, teach that intelligent design stuff??
 
H

hedgehog

Registered
Forum Member
Oct 30, 2003
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ctownguy said:
18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-g! raders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right! people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.



GOD BLESS AMERICA

Oops, can't do that either.

:scared :shrug: :00hour
Click to expand...

REPUBLICAN FOR LIFE:00hour
 
Chadman

Chadman

Realist
Forum Member
Apr 2, 2000
7,501
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SW Missouri
How To Be A Good Republican

You have to believe that Fox News is "fair and balanced."
You have to believe that Paris Hilton shouldn't pay a penny in estate taxes.
You have to believe that any sort of taxes are things that only the poor and middle class should pay.
You have to ignore science (evolution, stem cell research, global warming, etc.).
You have to believe in theocracy (but only if it's YOUR religion in power, of course).
You have to believe that criminal drug abusers belong UNDER the jail unless they're rich, bombastic, conservative talk show hosts.
You have to SAY you're against big government but then grow it to benefit fellow Republicans.
You have to believe that George Bush is intelligent, is always truthful, is a "uniter not a divider" and is a compassionate conservative.
You have to be pro-life for other people's children BEFORE they're born but not help provide for the needy ones AFTER they're born and, of course KILL them all (this is pro-life?) if they break laws as adults.
You have to believe that raising the minimum wage causes unemployment.
You have to believe that since YOU can afford health care, everyone else should have to entirely pay for their own. Let them get rich!

To sum up, you have to believe completely in the New Testament (except of course where it says we should love our neighbors as ourselves, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and do unto others (even Iraq and Iran) as we would have others do unto us; because that "stuff" sounds like socialism and pacifism).
 
redsfann

redsfann

ale connoisseur
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Aug 3, 1999
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Forgot one, Chadman...

Your I.Q. must be in the double digits, because if it was in the triple digits, there would be no possible way you would be dumb enough to be a Republican.
 
Nosigar

Nosigar

53%
Forum Member
Jul 5, 2000
2,487
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Florida
Chadman said:
How To Be A Good Republican

You have to believe that Fox News is "fair and balanced."
You have to believe that Paris Hilton shouldn't pay a penny in estate taxes.
You have to believe that any sort of taxes are things that only the poor and middle class should pay.
You have to ignore science (evolution, stem cell research, global warming, etc.).
You have to believe in theocracy (but only if it's YOUR religion in power, of course).
You have to believe that criminal drug abusers belong UNDER the jail unless they're rich, bombastic, conservative talk show hosts.
You have to SAY you're against big government but then grow it to benefit fellow Republicans.
You have to believe that George Bush is intelligent, is always truthful, is a "uniter not a divider" and is a compassionate conservative.
You have to be pro-life for other people's children BEFORE they're born but not help provide for the needy ones AFTER they're born and, of course KILL them all (this is pro-life?) if they break laws as adults.
You have to believe that raising the minimum wage causes unemployment.
You have to believe that since YOU can afford health care, everyone else should have to entirely pay for their own. Let them get rich!

To sum up, you have to believe completely in the New Testament (except of course where it says we should love our neighbors as ourselves, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and do unto others (even Iraq and Iran) as we would have others do unto us; because that "stuff" sounds like socialism and pacifism).
Click to expand...

What a lame list! :shrug:

But, hell, screw rhe republicrats.
 
J

Jabberwocky

Registered User
Forum Member
Mar 3, 2006
3,491
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Jacksonville, FL
25 rules for being a good republican

1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are
millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an illness and
needs our prayers for your recovery.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.

3) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our
highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives
but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the wrong
gender.

5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha.

7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.

8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions
affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that
Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it
to the country to bail out Oliver North.

11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is
to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can
only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because
we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to
alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

15) You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's
and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.

16) You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound
government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism
personified.

17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk
science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

18) You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in
Vietnam but right in Iraq.

19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him,
a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a
we-can't-find-Bin-Laden diversion.

20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers
named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and
censoring the internet.

21) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the
adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a private
matter.

22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages
from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what
locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital
national interest but what Bush did decades later is stale news and
irrelevant.

25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is
communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy.
 
smurphy

smurphy

cartographer
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Jul 31, 2004
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:flush: Thanks for one of the stupidest threads ever created, CTownGuy:jerkit:
 
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