Well I really don't know if I was missed around here or not! I know that my handicapping skills have not won anyone any money this year including myself, Hell but it did show me one thing! I needed some help.......
Like my gambling, my drinking and drug abuse had also spiralled out of control! I will start by saying that this is not a knock on responsible drinking and occasional drug use, it is just my story of how my use helped me find the bottom that all of us must sometimes hit before we can bounce back to reality! I had become a walking zombie, daily crystal meth use, daily rounds of Jack and too too too many pills, had brought me to begin stealing from my family and endangering my friends and family as well. I was a wreck! I reached out to my family for help and asked to be put in a Rehab center here in Alabama. Bradford-Parkside in Warrior Alabama has saved my life! I checked myself in on December the 26th after 4 days of Home Detoxing! Which I might add was very painful, emotionally and physically. I am still under a physicians care as I speak but am out as a True Partial Patient. This only means I can come home and sleep in my own bed at night, but I must return daily for treatment. I have a handful of friends that feel I am only doing this so my parents will again support me and give me money to bail me out of yet another mess as they have done so many times in the past but I must give them credit, it would seem that way to only someone who has yet to come down to a crashing realization, I HAD BECOME A PIECE OF SHIT TO MYSELF and I was slowly trying to kill myself from the inside! I slipped into a well hidden state of depression that I masked with Drugs and Alcohol. I had even contemplated killing myself or the next son of a bitch that pissed me off! I needed help for me and me alone, not to please anyone! I have since found that in an attempt to try and piece out what was wrong with me, my mother attempted to pass blame on everyone around me, this in turn has only led to harsh feelings towards me for being a SNITCH! Well I must tell you, I went to treatment for me to get better not to tell on anyone! I remained silent inside my center and only defended the people that now threaten me. Some freinds I have, I guess it is true that you only have to look over your shoulder to find an enemy! I have received threats and emotional stress from this that I just don't need in my life right now!
I finally realized that I was going to have to get help when I tried multiple times to get clean and failed only as quickly as I had begun to dry out! I could not do it on my own! I had been using methamphetamines for almost 3 years on a daily basis and thought I was hiding it well. My friends did not even know the extent of my abuse! I was hiding it from even people who knew I did it occasionally. I told a friend back sometime ago that I had been using everyday and that I was going to quit, I did not even make it back home before I had another 8 ball in my hand! I would stay up for days after days after days with no sleep and when I would sleep I would dream of the drug, I was obsessed! I hid it from my girlfriend, she just thought I was a drunk! Well I have found out since I went into treatment that I am a drunk, I am a full blown alcoholic! I hid it and myself from my family and isolated myself to my home, only to come out to go to work and or occasionally visit a friend for a few minutes. But even if I did leave I was always in a rush to get back home and get high again! My life revolved around Getting and Staying high!
I finally railroaded myself into beleiving that I did not have a problem and that I could beat this shit! Well the only thing that got beat was me! The last time I used anything it was to be my farewell to drugs, I did an 8 ball of crank and took so many pills that I stayed up for 4 days without using again during that time! I was ****ing miserable and I was Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired! I was always irritable and angry for no damn reason at all! I would throw shit at the wall I would break shit just to break it and I would attempt to sit and drink myself to absolute death! Well on December the 26th 2002 all that changed!
I now consider myself as having 2 birthdays...........11-8-74 and 12-26-02! I think now that since my quality of life is continuing to grow and my senses are coming back to me, I can continue to help out around here in a positive and useful manner...........and help all you guys win some damn money finally! Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did.............and thank you for hearing what I had to say!
Bluemound Freak! a.k.a Jason Caretti
Like my gambling, my drinking and drug abuse had also spiralled out of control! I will start by saying that this is not a knock on responsible drinking and occasional drug use, it is just my story of how my use helped me find the bottom that all of us must sometimes hit before we can bounce back to reality! I had become a walking zombie, daily crystal meth use, daily rounds of Jack and too too too many pills, had brought me to begin stealing from my family and endangering my friends and family as well. I was a wreck! I reached out to my family for help and asked to be put in a Rehab center here in Alabama. Bradford-Parkside in Warrior Alabama has saved my life! I checked myself in on December the 26th after 4 days of Home Detoxing! Which I might add was very painful, emotionally and physically. I am still under a physicians care as I speak but am out as a True Partial Patient. This only means I can come home and sleep in my own bed at night, but I must return daily for treatment. I have a handful of friends that feel I am only doing this so my parents will again support me and give me money to bail me out of yet another mess as they have done so many times in the past but I must give them credit, it would seem that way to only someone who has yet to come down to a crashing realization, I HAD BECOME A PIECE OF SHIT TO MYSELF and I was slowly trying to kill myself from the inside! I slipped into a well hidden state of depression that I masked with Drugs and Alcohol. I had even contemplated killing myself or the next son of a bitch that pissed me off! I needed help for me and me alone, not to please anyone! I have since found that in an attempt to try and piece out what was wrong with me, my mother attempted to pass blame on everyone around me, this in turn has only led to harsh feelings towards me for being a SNITCH! Well I must tell you, I went to treatment for me to get better not to tell on anyone! I remained silent inside my center and only defended the people that now threaten me. Some freinds I have, I guess it is true that you only have to look over your shoulder to find an enemy! I have received threats and emotional stress from this that I just don't need in my life right now!
I finally realized that I was going to have to get help when I tried multiple times to get clean and failed only as quickly as I had begun to dry out! I could not do it on my own! I had been using methamphetamines for almost 3 years on a daily basis and thought I was hiding it well. My friends did not even know the extent of my abuse! I was hiding it from even people who knew I did it occasionally. I told a friend back sometime ago that I had been using everyday and that I was going to quit, I did not even make it back home before I had another 8 ball in my hand! I would stay up for days after days after days with no sleep and when I would sleep I would dream of the drug, I was obsessed! I hid it from my girlfriend, she just thought I was a drunk! Well I have found out since I went into treatment that I am a drunk, I am a full blown alcoholic! I hid it and myself from my family and isolated myself to my home, only to come out to go to work and or occasionally visit a friend for a few minutes. But even if I did leave I was always in a rush to get back home and get high again! My life revolved around Getting and Staying high!
I finally railroaded myself into beleiving that I did not have a problem and that I could beat this shit! Well the only thing that got beat was me! The last time I used anything it was to be my farewell to drugs, I did an 8 ball of crank and took so many pills that I stayed up for 4 days without using again during that time! I was ****ing miserable and I was Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired! I was always irritable and angry for no damn reason at all! I would throw shit at the wall I would break shit just to break it and I would attempt to sit and drink myself to absolute death! Well on December the 26th 2002 all that changed!
I now consider myself as having 2 birthdays...........11-8-74 and 12-26-02! I think now that since my quality of life is continuing to grow and my senses are coming back to me, I can continue to help out around here in a positive and useful manner...........and help all you guys win some damn money finally! Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did.............and thank you for hearing what I had to say!
Bluemound Freak! a.k.a Jason Caretti
