Welcome to an all new episode of Big Blue Planet!
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This is what goes on in my mind between 2:00am and 4:00am while lying in bed, not being able to sleep.
I am thinking about all this reality television stuff, and how popular these shows have become with the American public. And as I am lying in bed, I am trying to think of the ultimate Reality Television Program. I'm talking about the one that would blow all other reality tv shows out of the water.
And suddenly it comes to me.
It would be called "Big Blue Planet".....and here are the rules.
1. All telephone, television, internet, newspaper, and all other media sources in the world are turned off for the entire length of the game, except of course, for the show "Big Blue Planet".
2. Everyone on the planet Earth gets to play! No....really...we have five billion contestants!
3. Each contestant has a 25 digit serial number stamped on their forehead.
4. There are two of every serial number, so every contestant has someone on the Big Blue Planet with the identical serial number.
5. Go! The first pair of people to find each other's match wins 100 billion dollars each!
Can you imagine that? Imagine 5 billion people milling around aimlessly looking at each other's foreheads trying to find their match! This show would run for like 17 years!
Then I start thinking of ways to enhance the show...and I come up with the following possibilities:
1. Instead of stamping the serial number on their foreheads, it gets stamped on the bottom of their right foot! Close your eyes for a second and imagine 5 billion people milling around looking at each other's feet for their match!
2. Instead of stamping the serial number on their foreheads, it gets stamped on the bottom of the right foot....OF A DUCK! LOL...close your eyes and imagine 5 billion people wondering around aimlessly comparing their duck's serial numbers!!!! What if you lose your duck??? Then your out of the fu$king game! LOL
(At this point I start laughing in bed at 3:30 AM and my girlfriend, who has been through this hundreds of times before, rolls over and says "I don't want to know.")
3. Okay...okay...okay...how bout if the serial number is stamped on a helium balloon and tied to a thirty foot string, which is attached to 5 billion wrists!
4. Okay...how bout this....you are able to collect other people's serial numbers, therefore increasing your chances of finding a match.....BY KILLING THEM!!!! LOL LOL LOL
The thing is...you must kill them with your bare hands. No weapons allowed in this game! Can you see this?
5 billion people wandering around aimlessly...walking up to each other in the street...staring at each other's forehead...realizing they are not a match...THEN THROWING DOWN...TO TRY AND COLLECT THE OTHER GUY'S SERIAL NUMBER!
Don't tell me you wouldn't watch that $hit! Forget reality TV. They could put that scene on pay per view for $49.99 a week....and I'm in!
Okay...okay...okay...what if we add this little doozy to the rules. When a match is actually found, in order to claim the 100 billion, both contestants must travel to Boise, Idaho together to claim their prize...and the other 4,999,999,998 people can do anything in their power to stop them from getting to Boise.
Can you imagine the two matches on a plane from Germany to Boise...sweating their asses off...praying that the old woman sitting between them in seat 14B doesn't happen to realize that their 25 digit serial numbers are the same....and then yell out "MATCHES!!!!!!.....THESE TWO ARE MATCHES!" to everyone else on the plane!!! LOL....that would totally suck for those two guys!
Happy Thanksgiving.
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This is what goes on in my mind between 2:00am and 4:00am while lying in bed, not being able to sleep.
I am thinking about all this reality television stuff, and how popular these shows have become with the American public. And as I am lying in bed, I am trying to think of the ultimate Reality Television Program. I'm talking about the one that would blow all other reality tv shows out of the water.
And suddenly it comes to me.
It would be called "Big Blue Planet".....and here are the rules.
1. All telephone, television, internet, newspaper, and all other media sources in the world are turned off for the entire length of the game, except of course, for the show "Big Blue Planet".
2. Everyone on the planet Earth gets to play! No....really...we have five billion contestants!
3. Each contestant has a 25 digit serial number stamped on their forehead.
4. There are two of every serial number, so every contestant has someone on the Big Blue Planet with the identical serial number.
5. Go! The first pair of people to find each other's match wins 100 billion dollars each!
Can you imagine that? Imagine 5 billion people milling around aimlessly looking at each other's foreheads trying to find their match! This show would run for like 17 years!
Then I start thinking of ways to enhance the show...and I come up with the following possibilities:
1. Instead of stamping the serial number on their foreheads, it gets stamped on the bottom of their right foot! Close your eyes for a second and imagine 5 billion people milling around looking at each other's feet for their match!
2. Instead of stamping the serial number on their foreheads, it gets stamped on the bottom of the right foot....OF A DUCK! LOL...close your eyes and imagine 5 billion people wondering around aimlessly comparing their duck's serial numbers!!!! What if you lose your duck??? Then your out of the fu$king game! LOL
(At this point I start laughing in bed at 3:30 AM and my girlfriend, who has been through this hundreds of times before, rolls over and says "I don't want to know.")
3. Okay...okay...okay...how bout if the serial number is stamped on a helium balloon and tied to a thirty foot string, which is attached to 5 billion wrists!
4. Okay...how bout this....you are able to collect other people's serial numbers, therefore increasing your chances of finding a match.....BY KILLING THEM!!!! LOL LOL LOL
The thing is...you must kill them with your bare hands. No weapons allowed in this game! Can you see this?
5 billion people wandering around aimlessly...walking up to each other in the street...staring at each other's forehead...realizing they are not a match...THEN THROWING DOWN...TO TRY AND COLLECT THE OTHER GUY'S SERIAL NUMBER!
Don't tell me you wouldn't watch that $hit! Forget reality TV. They could put that scene on pay per view for $49.99 a week....and I'm in!
Okay...okay...okay...what if we add this little doozy to the rules. When a match is actually found, in order to claim the 100 billion, both contestants must travel to Boise, Idaho together to claim their prize...and the other 4,999,999,998 people can do anything in their power to stop them from getting to Boise.
Can you imagine the two matches on a plane from Germany to Boise...sweating their asses off...praying that the old woman sitting between them in seat 14B doesn't happen to realize that their 25 digit serial numbers are the same....and then yell out "MATCHES!!!!!!.....THESE TWO ARE MATCHES!" to everyone else on the plane!!! LOL....that would totally suck for those two guys!
Happy Thanksgiving.
