was bored (again) and did a little search on toilet paper after seeing mama's thread. found a site called www.poopreports.com LMAO...what would we do without the internet. anyway, i haven't done much exploring on the site yet but had to post this right away. enjoy 
there's more on poopreport.com lmao
Describe your technique here:
Jeff (germanicus_caesar@excite.com) -- 8.27.2001
For me, the toilet paper must be hanging from the front of the roll. For me, it is easier to find the beginning of the roll if that first sheet is stuck to the roll. When I wipe, I take about 5 or 6 sheets , fold, and wipe. I need not wrap the paper around my hand as I don't plan on having my entire fist up there. Crumbling is just a mess. When you crumble your finger is more likely to find a direct passage to your anus, and unwelcome shock for sure. Smelly, painful, embarassing. And when I wipe I don't stay seated, nor do I stand. I hover. I lean forward, lift my arese about 5 inches from the bowl and wipe with my neatly folded paper, dispensed from the front of the roll. Oh, but I do flush the toilet using my mouth. That may be considered odd.
Dave (dave@poopreport.com) -- 8.27.2001
I fold, then crumple. What's interesting is that I was taught as a kid to stand when I wipe. I was taught that only girls wipe sitting. But as I grew older, I realized it was simply more efficient to wipe while sitting. I always felt like I was going to the bathroom wrong if I didn't stand to wipe. But why would you want to stand? Your cheeks get all bunched up, increasing the probability of a nasty smear.
jaybowel (jaybill@jaybill.com) -- 8.27.2001
I use a variation of "the bunch" called "wadding". Wadding is basically unrolling around a foot or two of paper, rolling AND then bunching it. You form a nice "wad" that can be held 'twixt the thumb and first two fingers. As for the wipe itself, I'm as close to sitting as I can be for maximum expansion. I wipe "up", meaning I start at what would be the bottom of the "great divide" if one was standing erect. I've heard legends of people who wipe "down", which perplexes me. Does that not create a dingle-meets-love-organ-of-choice problem?
jaybowel (jaybill@jaybill.com) -- 8.27.2001
As for roll configuration, I demand "over the top", even to the point where I'll fix it if I find it that way in bathrooms outside my own. As for you "behind the sun" people: How could you? The roll is *designed* to be "over the top". Must you defy the best practices of modern humanity in every aspect of your lives? Mother of Creatures!
Jenny McFarty (jsteeves@nmsu.edu) -- 8.27.2001
I wrap the paper around my hand and THEN withdraw my hand. It is very quick and efficient.
Hillbilly (Hillbilly4740@aol.com) -- 8.27.2001
Due to my t.p. holder getting ripped off the wall during a party (along with my towel rack) my t.p. sits atop the toilet tank. I like the fold method while sitting. Ive tried the other ways and this seems the easiest.
PORCELAIN GODDESS (anonymous coward) -- 8.27.2001
well, being the oddball that I am, I have to have the toilet paper facing DOWN, and like jaybowel, I always fix it this way whenever i see it placed incorrectly .. I cannot fathom using toilet paper "the normal way" because rules are made to be broken you know .. another reason i do this is so that its a lot easier to pull out a big huge line of paper, rather than it beign positioned in the front, risking it to break mid-way through pulling on it, soto speak. I grab it by the masses, roll it around my hand, then bunch it up and wipe from bottom to the top, anus area first, then i wipe my "front" area and .. DAYYUUUUM! I feel about 5 pounds lighter!! hehehe
steve (steve@fishbucket.com) -- 8.27.2001
if it's hanging in my bathroom, it's hanging over the roll. that makes so much more sense, when it comes to access and controlling how many sheets you get. I tear off a few sheets, fold it once (if it's double ply,) and get to wiping. balls to back. then I take a look/smell at what the score was, fold the paper over once more, and wipe again. there may be one more fold-wipe combo, space permitting, before that one is disposed of. repeat as necessary. look with pride at job well done. flush. wash vigorously.
Matt (matt@turdworldnation.com) -- 8.29.2001
The roll sits on my counter. the only thing on the roll holder is my empty tube from the last time my mom visited and replaced the roll that was sitting on the counter and put it back on the toilet paper holder. i wipe sitting and i also bunch up the sheets(15 to 20) or slices as i like to call them Matt
Jeff (112760.2061@compuserve.com) -- 9.4.2001
I would bet those folks who are wrapping several feet of toilet paper around their hand, thus creating ass gloves, are the same folks responsible for the majority of clogged toilets. This clogged toilet epidemic will be the downfall of this great democracy. May God have mercy on your souls!!
gibson (gibson@aol.com) -- 9.21.2001
I just crumple it up and wipe my ass. Sometimes if you spread your cheeks apart when you poop theres nothing to wipe because it comes out without touching anything
Sam (sammy@danceart.net) -- 9.26.2001
When I was very little I used my hand. My mother would scream at me. Now that i'm older (not more mature) I use my sleeve, if im not wearing a shirt I iust use kleenex, it works really well.
Kurtis Lieske (kliekse@epals.com) -- 9.27.2001
I just use my penis.
Amy (Succubus@hellish.co.uk) -- 10.1.2001
Gibson... you're a genius. Anyways, I prefer the start of the roll in the front (I always thought that it was some sort of unwritten toilet paper law.) and I usually pull off about a foot or 2 (give or take a few inches; depending on texture and thickness of the toilet paper) of toilet paper and bunch it. (Yes, this is extremely similar to Jaybowel's "wadding") Compared to the "rolling the toilet paper around your hand" technique, this technique seems to save more toilet paper; therefore, you save more money. *shrugs*
Mandi (taquina_lee@yahoo.com) -- 10.4.2001
I wipe my ass from front to back to avoid having a pile of shit arround my cunt hole...hehehehe
Clarissa (Clarrisa12@aol.com) -- 10.5.2001
I like to have the tp off the holder so that i can just grab it. but if its on the holder i dont really care. (NOT a tp freak) i usually pull about three feet off, sort of fold it but i spread it out then make a wad, wipe, and i look, then i fold it , and wipe and look, then i fold it again.. but if im just urinating i will just wrap a little around my hand.
lowlife (anonymous coward) -- 10.6.2001
Nobody here mentions getting the paper wet first. Of course you have to be near a sink or bidet, but a damp wad of TP is so much more effective. Even if I'm in a public stall, I'll at least spit on the paper to increase its cleaning ability.
yanni (yannigogolak@yahoo.com) -- 10.11.2001
I personally like to spread eagle after my irradication and then, hoping for no klingons, wipe between my legs in one failsafe swoop.
Amy (succubus@hellish.co.uk) -- 10.13.2001
That is very interesting, Royce.
Professor Lump (anonymous coward) -- 10.17.2001
I like to use an old, dried up piece of corn-on-the-cob like my great gandpappy used to use.
Timo (urway@pacbell.net) -- 10.17.2001
I bunch, and wipe from the front. This somehow came up in conversation with my friends who said I wipe like a girl. Actually I think it's the opposite - women are more likely to wipe from the back to keep from getting infected up front. Guys can do it from the front safer, and it's a lot more efficient. Problem is, most guys are tought how to wipe by their mother, who wipes from the back - see? It's not me, but all you back-wipin guys who are wipin like girls!
Chris (chkinghzrd@yahoo.com) -- 10.18.2001
Whatever, dude. We'll just call you 'shit-sack' from now on.
jaybowel (jaybill@jaybill.com) -- 10.18.2001
Timo -- It's moments of clarity like your comment that restore my faith in humankind. Rock on, man. Rock on.
chuck (chuck@mikechuck.dyndns.org) -- 10.18.2001
I take two sheets per wipe, and fold them together. I agree with Jeff that crumpling can lead to accidental finger-anus interaction. And you know, if you get enough fiber in your diet, you barely need to wipe at all. If you're making a big ol' mess down there, you should really re-evaluate your food intake.
Pbmax (pbmax_17@excite.com) -- 10.21.2001
There have been some very good points made on this subject. As to the question of over the top or behind the roll, I have no preference. My wiping style has evolved like man from an apelike creature. When I was a boy, I crumpled. The finger touching the anus senario happened one too many times and I began a life of folding. As I grew into a man, and with my manhood came hair surrounding my asshole, I developed a new method derived from the fold method. Instead of a sweeping wipe motion, I blot my ass clean. This way the shit does not smear into my thick jungle of ass hair. If needed, and available, I wet the tp to really clean things up. It is a very effective method that should be experemented with.
there's more on poopreport.com lmao
Describe your technique here:
Jeff (germanicus_caesar@excite.com) -- 8.27.2001
For me, the toilet paper must be hanging from the front of the roll. For me, it is easier to find the beginning of the roll if that first sheet is stuck to the roll. When I wipe, I take about 5 or 6 sheets , fold, and wipe. I need not wrap the paper around my hand as I don't plan on having my entire fist up there. Crumbling is just a mess. When you crumble your finger is more likely to find a direct passage to your anus, and unwelcome shock for sure. Smelly, painful, embarassing. And when I wipe I don't stay seated, nor do I stand. I hover. I lean forward, lift my arese about 5 inches from the bowl and wipe with my neatly folded paper, dispensed from the front of the roll. Oh, but I do flush the toilet using my mouth. That may be considered odd.
Dave (dave@poopreport.com) -- 8.27.2001
I fold, then crumple. What's interesting is that I was taught as a kid to stand when I wipe. I was taught that only girls wipe sitting. But as I grew older, I realized it was simply more efficient to wipe while sitting. I always felt like I was going to the bathroom wrong if I didn't stand to wipe. But why would you want to stand? Your cheeks get all bunched up, increasing the probability of a nasty smear.
jaybowel (jaybill@jaybill.com) -- 8.27.2001
I use a variation of "the bunch" called "wadding". Wadding is basically unrolling around a foot or two of paper, rolling AND then bunching it. You form a nice "wad" that can be held 'twixt the thumb and first two fingers. As for the wipe itself, I'm as close to sitting as I can be for maximum expansion. I wipe "up", meaning I start at what would be the bottom of the "great divide" if one was standing erect. I've heard legends of people who wipe "down", which perplexes me. Does that not create a dingle-meets-love-organ-of-choice problem?
jaybowel (jaybill@jaybill.com) -- 8.27.2001
As for roll configuration, I demand "over the top", even to the point where I'll fix it if I find it that way in bathrooms outside my own. As for you "behind the sun" people: How could you? The roll is *designed* to be "over the top". Must you defy the best practices of modern humanity in every aspect of your lives? Mother of Creatures!
Jenny McFarty (jsteeves@nmsu.edu) -- 8.27.2001
I wrap the paper around my hand and THEN withdraw my hand. It is very quick and efficient.
Hillbilly (Hillbilly4740@aol.com) -- 8.27.2001
Due to my t.p. holder getting ripped off the wall during a party (along with my towel rack) my t.p. sits atop the toilet tank. I like the fold method while sitting. Ive tried the other ways and this seems the easiest.
PORCELAIN GODDESS (anonymous coward) -- 8.27.2001
well, being the oddball that I am, I have to have the toilet paper facing DOWN, and like jaybowel, I always fix it this way whenever i see it placed incorrectly .. I cannot fathom using toilet paper "the normal way" because rules are made to be broken you know .. another reason i do this is so that its a lot easier to pull out a big huge line of paper, rather than it beign positioned in the front, risking it to break mid-way through pulling on it, soto speak. I grab it by the masses, roll it around my hand, then bunch it up and wipe from bottom to the top, anus area first, then i wipe my "front" area and .. DAYYUUUUM! I feel about 5 pounds lighter!! hehehe
steve (steve@fishbucket.com) -- 8.27.2001
if it's hanging in my bathroom, it's hanging over the roll. that makes so much more sense, when it comes to access and controlling how many sheets you get. I tear off a few sheets, fold it once (if it's double ply,) and get to wiping. balls to back. then I take a look/smell at what the score was, fold the paper over once more, and wipe again. there may be one more fold-wipe combo, space permitting, before that one is disposed of. repeat as necessary. look with pride at job well done. flush. wash vigorously.
Matt (matt@turdworldnation.com) -- 8.29.2001
The roll sits on my counter. the only thing on the roll holder is my empty tube from the last time my mom visited and replaced the roll that was sitting on the counter and put it back on the toilet paper holder. i wipe sitting and i also bunch up the sheets(15 to 20) or slices as i like to call them Matt
Jeff (112760.2061@compuserve.com) -- 9.4.2001
I would bet those folks who are wrapping several feet of toilet paper around their hand, thus creating ass gloves, are the same folks responsible for the majority of clogged toilets. This clogged toilet epidemic will be the downfall of this great democracy. May God have mercy on your souls!!
gibson (gibson@aol.com) -- 9.21.2001
I just crumple it up and wipe my ass. Sometimes if you spread your cheeks apart when you poop theres nothing to wipe because it comes out without touching anything
Sam (sammy@danceart.net) -- 9.26.2001
When I was very little I used my hand. My mother would scream at me. Now that i'm older (not more mature) I use my sleeve, if im not wearing a shirt I iust use kleenex, it works really well.
Kurtis Lieske (kliekse@epals.com) -- 9.27.2001
I just use my penis.
Amy (Succubus@hellish.co.uk) -- 10.1.2001
Gibson... you're a genius. Anyways, I prefer the start of the roll in the front (I always thought that it was some sort of unwritten toilet paper law.) and I usually pull off about a foot or 2 (give or take a few inches; depending on texture and thickness of the toilet paper) of toilet paper and bunch it. (Yes, this is extremely similar to Jaybowel's "wadding") Compared to the "rolling the toilet paper around your hand" technique, this technique seems to save more toilet paper; therefore, you save more money. *shrugs*
Mandi (taquina_lee@yahoo.com) -- 10.4.2001
I wipe my ass from front to back to avoid having a pile of shit arround my cunt hole...hehehehe
Clarissa (Clarrisa12@aol.com) -- 10.5.2001
I like to have the tp off the holder so that i can just grab it. but if its on the holder i dont really care. (NOT a tp freak) i usually pull about three feet off, sort of fold it but i spread it out then make a wad, wipe, and i look, then i fold it , and wipe and look, then i fold it again.. but if im just urinating i will just wrap a little around my hand.
lowlife (anonymous coward) -- 10.6.2001
Nobody here mentions getting the paper wet first. Of course you have to be near a sink or bidet, but a damp wad of TP is so much more effective. Even if I'm in a public stall, I'll at least spit on the paper to increase its cleaning ability.
yanni (yannigogolak@yahoo.com) -- 10.11.2001
I personally like to spread eagle after my irradication and then, hoping for no klingons, wipe between my legs in one failsafe swoop.
Amy (succubus@hellish.co.uk) -- 10.13.2001
That is very interesting, Royce.
Professor Lump (anonymous coward) -- 10.17.2001
I like to use an old, dried up piece of corn-on-the-cob like my great gandpappy used to use.
Timo (urway@pacbell.net) -- 10.17.2001
I bunch, and wipe from the front. This somehow came up in conversation with my friends who said I wipe like a girl. Actually I think it's the opposite - women are more likely to wipe from the back to keep from getting infected up front. Guys can do it from the front safer, and it's a lot more efficient. Problem is, most guys are tought how to wipe by their mother, who wipes from the back - see? It's not me, but all you back-wipin guys who are wipin like girls!
Chris (chkinghzrd@yahoo.com) -- 10.18.2001
Whatever, dude. We'll just call you 'shit-sack' from now on.
jaybowel (jaybill@jaybill.com) -- 10.18.2001
Timo -- It's moments of clarity like your comment that restore my faith in humankind. Rock on, man. Rock on.
chuck (chuck@mikechuck.dyndns.org) -- 10.18.2001
I take two sheets per wipe, and fold them together. I agree with Jeff that crumpling can lead to accidental finger-anus interaction. And you know, if you get enough fiber in your diet, you barely need to wipe at all. If you're making a big ol' mess down there, you should really re-evaluate your food intake.
Pbmax (pbmax_17@excite.com) -- 10.21.2001
There have been some very good points made on this subject. As to the question of over the top or behind the roll, I have no preference. My wiping style has evolved like man from an apelike creature. When I was a boy, I crumpled. The finger touching the anus senario happened one too many times and I began a life of folding. As I grew into a man, and with my manhood came hair surrounding my asshole, I developed a new method derived from the fold method. Instead of a sweeping wipe motion, I blot my ass clean. This way the shit does not smear into my thick jungle of ass hair. If needed, and available, I wet the tp to really clean things up. It is a very effective method that should be experemented with.
