Farting Facts

[Senor Capper]

Ok so this topic is a little away from the norm.......
but then again so am I

The word fart comes from the Old English term foertan, to explode.
Foertan is also the orgin of the word petard, an early type of bomb.
Petard, in turn, is the orgin of a more obscure term for fart--- ped, or pet, which was once used by military men.

NOTABLE FARTERS.......

Gatorbait

Le Patomane, a 19th-century music hall performer, had the singular ability to control his farts.
He could paly tunes, as well as imitate animal and machinery sounds rectally.

Joseph Stalin was afraid of farting in public. He kept a glasses and a water pitcher on his desk so that if he felt a wind coming on, he could mask the sound by clicking the glasses while pouring the water.

Martin Luther believed, "on the basis of personal experience, that farts could scare off Satan himself"


A computer factory in England, built on the site of a 19-century chapel, is reportedly inhabited by a farting ghost. Workers think it might be the embarrassed spirit of a girl who farted while singing in church.
"On several occasions", said an employee
"there has been a faint girlish voice singing faint hymns, followed by a loud raspberry sound and then a deathly hush"

"Raspberry sound"

 

[Gatorbait]

Dutch Oven....everyone give one to your wife in the morning...she'll luv you

.....when the two of you are laying together in bed under the covers, rip one and put her head under the covers....she'll get the full effect

.......trust me, she'll luv you.

SC's girl does this to him....oh I forgot, she doesn't do that

 

[Senor Capper]

Right you are Gator
but thats about the only thing she doesn't do

 

[djv]

What's fun as you get older. Just alittle silent one hangs there for couple of minutes.
This works well at work. Someone you don't like much. Just drop it easy. Then get moveing. It"s even more fun on elevators.

 

[MadJack]

rip one and put her head under the covers....she'll get the full effect .......trust me, she'll luv you.

yea, right! i am 6'4, 240 -- she's 5'0, 105 and i would have zero chance of survival if i tried that. no chance! lmao!!

 

[Gatorbait]

SC....those bulging eyes you have....looks like you are trying to back one out

 

[Take Two ?]

The Farting Nun - or Why Nuns shouldn't Fart

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and was waiting for her flight. She looked over into the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So she thought to herself "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me".

She went to the machine, put a nickel in, and out came a card that said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 pounds, and you are going to Chicago, Illinois". She was amazed, but as she thought about it, she decided that it probably tells everyone the same thing. But she decided to try it again, just to be sure.

She went back to the machine and put in another nickel, and out came another card that read - "You're a nun, you weigh 128 pounds, you're going to Chicago, Illinois, and you're going to play a fiddle." The nun thought to herself "Well I know that wrong - I have never played a musical instrument in my life."

She went back to her seat, and from nowhere, a Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down next to her. She was puzzled, but picked up the fiddle and just started playing some beautiful strains. She looked back at the machine, even more puzzled, but said -"This is just incredible. I have got to try this again." So back to the machine she goes.

She puts her nickel in, and out comes a card that says "You're a nun, you weigh 128 pounds, you're going to Chicago, Illinois, and you're going to break wind." Now she knows the machine must be wrong! "I have never broke wind in public in my life." she thinks.

But as she dismounted the machine, she tripped and fell off the scales, and broke wind.

Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself - "This is truly unbelievable! I've GOT to try this again."

She went back to the machine and put in another nickel in the machine and collected her card. This card said "You're a nun, you weigh 128 pounds, and you are NOT going to Chicago, Illinois because you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight".

 

[yyz]

If you enter someone's arse without their permission, would that be "flatutory" rape?

 

[Take Two ?]

yyz - depends - it may be if they were breaking wind at the time...