You are in the middle of a project around the house......mowing the
lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, whatever. You
are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work
clothes on. You know the outfit: shorts with a hole in the crotch,
old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of
tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project, you
realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to complete the
job. Depending on your age, you might do the following.
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow-dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in
the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you
never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the
checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the
register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick, so no need for much else.
Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror.
Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne
to cover the smell. The cute girl running the
register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes
and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost
empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The
spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you
feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands
onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in
your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and swear not to
wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie
running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you
still have it.
Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop
and it says, "I Got Worms."
In your 60's :
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.
Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered
when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear
on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.
The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have
your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your
shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you
remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wonder
around trying to think what it is you are looking for. The old lady
that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, whatever. You
are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work
clothes on. You know the outfit: shorts with a hole in the crotch,
old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of
tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project, you
realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to complete the
job. Depending on your age, you might do the following.
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow-dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in
the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you
never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the
checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the
register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick, so no need for much else.
Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror.
Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne
to cover the smell. The cute girl running the
register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes
and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost
empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The
spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you
feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands
onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in
your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and swear not to
wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie
running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you
still have it.
Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop
and it says, "I Got Worms."
In your 60's :
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.
Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered
when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear
on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.
The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have
your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your
shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you
remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wonder
around trying to think what it is you are looking for. The old lady
that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
