How to Call in Sick when You Just Need a Day Off

[vinnie]

#1

Remember, first and foremost, you are about to lie. This is unethical behavior. The best thing you can do is tell the truth and only call off sick when you are actually sick. Every tip after this in the arcticle is geared towards unethical tactics that essentially result in you "stealing" from your employer and co-workers. Lay down some groundwork. A day before your day-off, hint to your coworkers that you're not feeling well. Casually report your "flu-like" symptoms throughout the day. For example, say that your bones hurt and you feel a little sore. This way, your coworkers can make the connection instantly to your mentioned symptoms from the day before.

 

[vinnie]

#2

Prepare an alibi. Before you call your boss, get your excuses ready. Look up the symptoms of the flu on the internet and note the most common ones. If you need to figure out how to manufacture a doctor's note, start the process before calling in sick. While you're at it, it's a good idea to log off any social media sites that you might be tempted to visit on your "sick day." That way, your boss won't stumble over photos of you hiking in the middle of your supposedly debilitating illness or leaving comments that raise suspicions of good health.

If you want to take off multiple days, pick a good illness. A migraine or a bad case of gastro can get you off for two or more days, as they can carry on for a long time and pop up at any time. Pink eye and strep throat can drag on longer. Whatever you choose, do your research thoroughly so that you can discuss the symptoms with clarity.

 

[vinnie]

#3

Call your boss or supervisor early the next morning. Don't delay??the sooner you tell your boss, the better. Additionally, you'll have a rather rough voice after waking up, giving you that added credibility.

If you call your boss, make it a short one. Remember, stories are typically the embellishment told by liars. Don't get too detailed??just say that you're not feeling well and won't be coming in. Give just enough information for your boss to believe you, such as saying "I was up all night sick" or "I'm having awful stomach problems." If you're female, say hesitantly, "feminine/woman's problems." That should be sufficient to fend off further discussion.


Be prepared for questions. Is your boss the nosy type? Try to imagine what kinds of questions he or she might have. For instance, if you work in food service, your boss might wonder how contagious you are. He or she might also ask if you've tried everything possible to make yourself feel well enough to come in. The best policy is to say that you think you're contagious, and that you've tried every remedy you can muster (painkillers, antacids, more liquids, etc.) but all to no avail.

Casually mention you've called your doctor's office and are waiting to hear back on an appointment time as they're booked out. During peak cold and flu seasons, it may be several days before they could squeeze you in for an office visit. If your employer demands a note after you get back, you can always say your appointment isn't until later in the week. It gives you time to run to the doctor.

 

[vinnie]

#4

Consider another method of contact (optional). If you don't think you could hold up your tale of sickness while talking to your boss on the phone, try an email or text message instead. This way, you don't have to think on your feet and try to sound sick. Keep it short and simple, and express your concern about infecting coworkers.

 

[vinnie]

#5

Follow up on your sickness when you return to work. Don't walk into work after your sick day looking perfectly healthy. Play it up like you're still getting over your illness. Blow your nose a few times or cough softly. If you want to look extra authentic, don't get a lot of sleep the night before so that you show up to work looking haggard and exhausted. This bolsters your credibility for the next time you call in sick (and gives you an excuse to stay up late).

 

[MadJack]

Additionally, you'll have a rather rough voice after waking up, giving you that added credibility.

I'll fucking hang up. I hate hearing that fake voice. Man the fuck up for christsake! :0003