I am in a DEBACLE..

[bleedingpurple]

Ok here it goes.. I am 36 now and I maybe bitter...

When I was a young tike maybe ten years ago or so... I was with a woman maybe the only one I truly loved.. She had a young son who I helped raise for two years .. He was in the 3.5 to 5 years of age.. I was 26 and she was 23 and she left me for a very rich old man.... Don't blame her in some aspects but now she found me on facebook. It is absolutley killing me. I loved her boy like he was my own and poof they were fucking gone..Yeah we had contact and we talked for months after the break up but I couldn't take anymore. it was killing me. Now she found me on facebook and she is married, telliing me she really hasn't settled down. Blah Blah blah. I asked her why she facebooked me and she says that her son asks about me.. I say what the fuck you haven;t torchered me enough over the years to bring this shit up.. I can't lie, they both enter my dreams from time to time and I can't help it.. i love them and always have.. I will not pursue going back and I can't.. Has anyone gone through this.. Has anyone fought off the reconection. Now I keep thinking about the past and I just wished she would of left me alone. but at least I know the boy is good and the fact that he asked about me makes me feel like I did my job, And yeah I have been drinking again..]


BP

 

[MrChristo]

Sounds painful for sure...

...but ever thought about just seeing the boy from time to time? (Obviously I have no idea how close to you they live. :shrug: )

Sounds like he needs a real father figure, not just some wrinkly old man with deep pockets.

Would be tough, (and not saying for one minute I'd be all that keen!)...

...just something to think about...possibly in a more lucid moment! :142smilie

 

[bleedingpurple]

Sounds painful for sure...

...but ever thought about just seeing the boy from time to time? (Obviously I have no idea how close to you they live. :shrug: )

Sounds like he needs a real father figure, not just some wrinkly old man with deep pockets.

Would be tough, (and not saying for one minute I'd be all that keen!)...

...just something to think about...possibly in a more lucid moment! :142smilie

I should of clarified... She is not with the same old man.. She is with a man more of her age now.. Let me tell you that there are not many weeks that go by where I don't think about it,. I wouldnt be at this site. I probably would not gamble. You see I gambled it all back then and I lost. Now what I gamble doesn't matter to me. It never has

 

[vinnie]

Ok here it goes.. I am 36 now and I maybe bitter...

When I was a young tike maybe ten years ago or so...

..............OH JACKIE ! :scared

 

[neverteaseit]

First off Run away! kurby

Now what I am miffed about is why would you even want to be with a woman who is married and seems willing to cheat on her current husband.

Once a cheater always a cheater. I really don't get that.

Sounds like alot of drama to me.

You cited Love. Your kidding right? If there was any love there at all, she would still be with you.

Good luck with that.

If you truly felt the way you said about her then you wouldn't be on this board asking a bunch of drunks, gamblers, degenerates, political advisors, racist, fairy tale millionaires and self made touts for advice. Just my opinion.

Pussy makes a man do strange things for sure.

Bust a nut in some new girl and this one will be forgotten very quickly.

Run away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MadJack]

..............OH JACKIE ! :scared

:nono:

what are you doing up? taking an old man pee in the middle of the night :mj07:

 

[MadJack]

If you truly felt the way you said about her then you wouldn't be on this board asking a bunch of drunks, gamblers, degenerates, political advisors, racist, fairy tale millionaires and self made touts for advice. Just my opinion.

:scared

 

[gardenweasel]

how sad for that kid....having all these men come in and go out of his life with no settled male role model... no rudder...no sense of guidance or continuity...

mama is a rolling stone...

 

[Woodson]

I dunno BP, it's a two way street and often time being that deep in love leaves you with a blind side.

Obviously, she wasn't reciprocating how you felt at the time. A single mother matures quickly, as was shown by her desire to court a older man who was established, (she was looking for stability for her child, not simply deep pockets as you put it.)

This one is tough because at 26 most guys aren't hitting par in the department of stability.

I wouldn't see the kid until he's of age simply because he has a step father who provides for him now that is closer to your age and he isn't your biological kid.

You're in need of a sabbatical. Move on and live your life in the present, not in the past...

Best of luck buddy.

 

[Full court press]

Do not be hard on yourself over this matter, it will only bring pain. You are a better person than she is and the fact that this bothers you soooo much speaks volumes about yourself. This woman sounds like a selfish user that always puts herself and her needs above anybody else including her son. By my count she's been in at least 4 serious relationships and could not manage to make one of them work. She will only find a way to hurt you even more over time.

Pardon me but FUCK HER, she ain't worth it. The kid is another story.

You didn't mention how far away they are. Maybe you could fly the boy out to spend a week or two with you over the summer?? He would benifit greatly from the experience and I'd bet that you would too! Even phone calls, letters and cards would mean the world to him.

I have a soft spot for kids, always have. I put in time at my wife's class in an inner city school and you would be surprised at how just a little time with a positive male influence can help turn a kid's life around. I help them with math, talk sports and just try to make up for the missing crack addict dads that are not there for them anymore. I know you love the kid, you can't shake it and it sounds like he still loves you. Go ahead and take the plunge. Both of your lives will be richly rewarded.

I wish you well my friend,and please keep us posted as to how this all shakes out.

 

[saint]

It's best for the kid if you stay out of it IMO. Kids don't understand adult relationships and having you pop back in the picture (and possibly out again) would be more harmful than being in his life again IMO.

She's married. Steer clear man. It sucks that she had to send you a message to get you thinking about her but that's what evil, blood-sucking women do. Tell her that you don't want contact with her and move on. just my 2c

 

[Woodson]

It's best for the kid if you stay out of it IMO. Kids don't understand adult relationships and having you pop back in the picture (and possibly out again) would be more harmful than being in his life again IMO.

She's married. Steer clear man. It sucks that she had to send you a message to get you thinking about her but that's what evil, blood-sucking women do. Tell her that you don't want contact with her and move on. just my 2c

You also could be setting yourself up for a restraining order for contact with a minor by the step dad who is a legal guardian.

 

[SIMON]

I've been in this situation myself before. Basically you have to stop pine-ing (sp) for what WAS the past. Human emotion preys on what was good in the past and always refers to it because the future may look bleak. The heart craves it, desires it. You have to fight through this battle through strength and will at your end and fill your life with someone/something else.

Let me tell you, drinking is not the answer. I went this route and almost drank myself to death. I would up with pancreatitis and now I cannot have another drink as long as I live due to messing up my stomach/liver and pancrease.

There will be a day where you will get lucky and happiness will come your way but if your not healthy....how can you enjoy it ?? For me I'm 42 and have the stomach of a 70 year old man. I cannot eat what I want anymore because I punished myself for all the pine-ing from drinking the pain away. I wouldn't want you to go that route.

This woman is taking advantage of your kindness and making you feel miserable. I would be cordial with her but not revealing. I don't agree with possibly establishing a "Big Brother" thing possible with the kid. This opens you up for more pain and scrutiny. If something goes wrong who's to blame?? Bottom line the kid will be 18 in 5 years and then he can make up his own mind to have contact if he desires.

As a man, we all need closure. She ended the relationship by pulling the rug out from underneath you so quickly but in your heart you didn't. You need to close the door. This facebook thing opened it up and all the feelings came rushing back at once. Sounds like you (in your mind) never ended it but always kept that hope that it will come back.

This may suck, but you may have to delete her as a friend. The curiosity of what they are doing can drive you mad.

Fight through it, keep active...find something else to fill your void with. Be a more better and interesting person and you will attrack the right female.

Remember no woman sees a future with a drunk boyfriend.

Satchel Paige said, Never look back because something might be gaining on you.


GL

 

[hedgehog]

I have no experience with this question at all, I am married to the love of my life.

with that said, I have had 3 of my good friends go through life and get married/divorced that went back to their high school girlfriends at 30-34 years old.

I have no idea what you should do, either ignore her and move on, or try to meet up and see the kid, you obviously made an impression on him. I feel sorry for the kid, he really has no male role model in his life.

good luck...

 

[Woodson]

I have no idea what you should do, either ignore her and move on, or try to meet up and see the kid, you obviously made an impression on him. I feel sorry for the kid, he really has no male role model in his life.

good luck...

I just don't agree with everyone saying the kid has no role model. I'll harp down after this post but what insight does BP have into the upbringing of this kid? Zero. Notta. He EDIT: THE STEPFATHER could be the kid's greatest hero and BPD wouldn't have a clue. This isn't about the boy, it's about two adults reconnecting at the cost of the boy.

The boy has a father now, move on until he's of age. But this is such a one sided account, it is frustrating to say the least...

And if you do decide to meet up with the kid and cause yourself another couple years of misery, get sober first and go into it knowing youre opening pandora's box.

Last post, I promise, it just hits very close to home is all....

 

[kneifl]

Good Luck Bleedingpurple

Good Luck Bleedingpurple

You got some good advice in this thread. Let her be, and don't try to see the kid. I've never been in this type of situation, married the lady of my dreams. If it was me, as soon as she went for the "rich or wealthy" man, I would never ever talk to her again.

On to another note, are you ready to see your Queens get crushed this weekend? Let's have a hat bet!

kneifl

 

[hedgehog]

I just don't agree with everyone saying the kid has no role model. I'll harp down after this post but what insight does BP have into the upbringing of this kid? Zero. Notta. He could be the kid's greatest hero and BPD wouldn't have a clue. This isn't about the boy, it's about two adults reconnecting at the cost of the boy.

The boy has a father now, move on until he's of age. But this is such a one sided account, it is frustrating to say the least...

And if you do decide to meet up with the kid and cause yourself another couple years of misery, get sober first and go into it knowing youre opening pandora's box.

Last post, I promise, it just hits very close to home is all....

I guess I should have said, no steady male role model in his life, the kid has man after man come and go in his life, which is sad:shrug: wishing you best of luck BP, I dont know what I would do.

 

[saint]

I have no experience with this question at all, I am married to the love of my life.

 

[vinnie]

:nono:

what are you doing up? taking an old man pee in the middle of the night :mj07:

:mj12:

 

[gardenweasel]

I just don't agree with everyone saying the kid has no role model. I'll harp down after this post but what insight does BP have into the upbringing of this kid? Zero. Notta. He could be the kid's greatest hero and BPD wouldn't have a clue. This isn't about the boy, it's about two adults reconnecting at the cost of the boy.

The boy has a father now, move on until he's of age. But this is such a one sided account, it is frustrating to say the least...

And if you do decide to meet up with the kid and cause yourself another couple years of misery, get sober first and go into it knowing youre opening pandora's box.

Last post, I promise, it just hits very close to home is all....

woody,i don`t understand what you`re saying ...:shrug: ..i`m thick...it`s been a long weekend..

who is his male role model?.......a,b,c or d?......all of the above?...

i guess it`s whomever is with his mother at the time?...

i think that in and of itself is an issue for a young kid...

and bl.pur, do you really want to invest YOUR time and emotional capital with a woman that apparently has a.d.d. when it comes to relationships?...

my father had plenty of faults...but i didn`t have a revolving door parental situation....i can`t imagine what that must be like for a kid...

and btw, where the hell is the REAL father?...