little Ralphy jokes

[shamrock]

RALPHY ON MATH


A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.


He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'


The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'


Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.


There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:


One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.


The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'


The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'


To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'




LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)




Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.


'Why?' asks the father?


'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.


'But that's right!' says his dad.


'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''


'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.


'That's what I said!'






LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH




Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'


RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'


Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'


Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'






LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR




Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'


The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'


Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'






LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)




One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.


First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'


'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.


'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'


She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.


'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''




LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER




Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'


Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'


The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.

 

[MadJack]

now ralphy gets all the credit for little johnny's wisdom :shrug:

i love the little johnny jokes :mj07:

:toast:

 

[freelancc]

:mj07: :mj07:

 

[jhawksoon]

One day Little Johnny's class was playing the guessing game. Johnny's teacher said that she had something in her pocket that was round, soft, and furry. Little Susie raised her hand and said "it's a tennis ball". The teacher said "no, it's a peach, but I like the way you think". Little Johnny raised his hand and asked if you could play. His teacher reluctantly said yes. Little Johnny said "I have something in my pocket that is round, hard, and has a head on it". Johnny's teacher immediately got mad and said "Johnny how dare you". Johnny replied "it's a quarter, but I like the way you think!"

 

[Woodson]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

 

[MadJack]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

:142smilie :142smilie :142smilie

 

[freelancc]

now that was a good one..:mj07: :mj07: