Local "law suit in waiting".........

[yyz]

Last night, in my humble little town, one of the Pick and Save stores was hit by a shoplifter.

The 23 year old boosted 3 bottles of booze, and ran from the store. A store worker chased the man, caught up to him several yards from the store, and wrestled him to the ground.

When the suspect fell, he broke the bottles, and cut himself. The injuries required stiches.

Stay tuned.......................

 

[Felonious Monk]

LOL!

I think the going rate for a sustained injury such as a minor cut is around half a mil.

Had the suspect broken a limb during the tussle, it would have resulted in a heftier penalty of around 2-3 mil.

That dumb store clerk deserves to sit in jail in rot for that sort of side show he put on. NEVER invade someone's constitutinal rights! Violence achieves the justice that law could not. Everyone knows that!

Thanks for the laugh yyz.

 

[bigbagrat]

Late Breaking News.........

Late Breaking News.........

..........................two confirmed eyewitness reports place our own Eddie Haskell near the scene..............

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Is that a carrot I see dangling in front of my eyes. Well let me grab it. Although the case sounds intriguing, I'm afraid I would have to pass on it and let one of my ambulance chasing brethern up north take on the challenge of fighting the axis of evil (Allstate, State Farm and North Nationwide).

Ya know FM, thats a pretty good analysis. I also like your valuation of the injuries. If you ever decide to move to fun city (Cincinnati), I might be able to put you through law school. Unlike me the incompetent lawyer, you seem to have this case dead on.

BBR, since I have no economic interest in this particular case, I certainly would not waste my time coming forth as a witness to support some other scum bag lawyer. I follow another distant siren (Henry David Thoreau).

In my best English sailor voice, from the lifeboats in the movie Titanic I say "Is there anyone alive out there? Is everyone on this board a right wing, blockheaded, lawyer hating, tunnel visioned, burrheaded, flag waiving, republican, bought and sold, former insurance company employee, heartless, racist, Bush loving, and (whew), fascist dolt?

"Is it twue what they say about you people? (pause, sound of zipper being unzipped) Its twue, its twue." (Madeline Kahn, Blazing Saddles) As a grumpy old man, I salute you my generation X web surfers. Now go deice your snowboards and let me wallow in my own misery, despising the ground you walk on.

Eddie the Old.

 

[BOHICA]

My Dearest Eddie,

In your all encompassing profile of the memebers here, you missed a few of the best qualities such as: dope smoking, beer drinking, homophobic, wife-beating adulterers.

I am sure that you have all the best qualities that any human could strive for. All I can say is that when I grow up, I want to save the world from people like me, just like Eddie did.

 

[Eddie Haskell]

My darling young, Bo:

You are incorrect on several points. I like dope smoking and beer drinkers. They do not fit the profile of dont-break-the-rule types, clean cut, christian, bible thumping rationalizers that dominate this board.

As far as wife beating adulterers go, I have no problem with them as I perceive them as future clients. I'm glad I was able to reach out and have a good, positive effect on you. I am in the business of saving people both legally and spiritually.

You can go out and play on your snowboard now, but make sure your in in time to watch the x games on espn. Don't forget your nose-ring.

Eddie the old and incompetent

 

[BOHICA]

Eddie,
I think at 42, snowboarding might disqualify me for medicare, so count me out.

As far as the nose ring, my wife may think I have had one for the last 15 years but that illusion only survives so that I can still take my annual golf and gambling vacations.

Respectfully submitted,
BOHICA

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Bo Baby:

Call me. Even at 42, I think I can qualify you for Medicare benefits. Medicare now recognizes psychological and mental incapacity as covered benefits. I think we have a slam dunk case.

Eddie

 

[BOHICA]

Gee Eddie that sounds great. Are any of these benefits income based? If so, you might have to help me set up some vehicles for keeping my assets under the radar.

I would hope that you above all others would not try to obtain benefits for someone that is not truely deserving.

I remain mentally disturbed,
BOHICA

p.s. I f you ever see me on a snowboard, then you know I am ready to be admitted to the mental hospital.

 

[Eddie Haskell]

My newest client, Bo:

Who cares. Hell, I'll just file another one of those frivolous lawsuits and we can settle for nuisance value. I'll get my third, you get a couple of bucks to put on Marquette tonight and were all happy.

You know how it goes, all ya gotta due is find an unscrupulous attorney like me, file a lawsuit, and collect. Simple as 123. You guys had it all pegged all along. Simple easy cash. Lets go buddy, I'll send you the legal fee contract in the mail.

But now, I have more important things to do. You will note that one of your fellow members has sustained a serious, injury to his leg. (see pacerfans post). He is in need. I'm going to jump into my Lexus, grab my friend, business partner, golfing buddy, and of course completely independent chiropractor, Dr. Mareshki Farooz, D.C. and head on up to Indy to meet my newest best friend and client.

Isn't this a great country.

Eddie on the move

 

[BOHICA]

God Speed Eddie.

I can't believe that you would be willing to help out a right-wing blockhead capitalist like me.

You really are a great American.

 

[Eddie Haskell]

As long as you can pay the retainer sweetie.

Eddie

 

[yyz]

What happened to my thread?

Hey Eddie, I hate to ask, but what the heck is a "burrhead"?

(If it's someone who doesn't understand certain terms, I'm gonna really feel like a turd!)

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Y

The reason I didnt follow up on your earlier thread was because I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, do not like you. Now, a burr head is someone with a military type short hair cut. A guy who wants to follow and not lead. He wants to blend in and not make waves. That, poopsie, is a burr head.

Any further questions, please call Monica. I think I'm done toying with you.

Eddie

 

[yyz]

Well, my dick's bush is shorn "high and tight", so I guess that qualifies!

Originally uttered by Eddie Haskell to his waiter at Carol's Corner Cafe
Is that a "carrot" I see dangling in front of my eyes. Well let me grab it.

Originally posted by Roberto "Hands of Stone" Duran to Ray Leonard November 25, 1980, shortly after saying, "No mas...No mas" and by Eddie "Head of Stone" Haskell

I think I'm done toying with you.

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Y

Y

Youve turned me to the dark side. I retract my statement that I do not like you and replace it with I love you. Ya big brillo pad you. Spritzer?

Eddie

 

[DOGS THAT BARK]

Now Edddie don't be hammering the politics too hard.
For Republics to be followers and not leaders they sure have a lot of employees working for them.In addition there are 3 distinct segments(which I won't name but sure you know)) of the population that vote 80%+ democratic and agree with your political choice.These segmants comprise bout 48% of Democratic party.
To be concise I got one question.
If they made US two seperate enities split the territory in half with border down the middle and put Dems on west and Rebs on right.Each ones taxes went solely to their party and paid for that partys progams.
Which side do you think would flourish and which would flounder.
If someone could majically make this happen which side of the hypothedical border do you think the majority would try to cross.
Can you give me one reason anyone of the right border would want to cross to the left?Seriously now Eddie I would really like your view on this.

 

[yyz]

We will most likely need to wait until Monday for that answer. I'm betting Ed's about 7 back on the waiting list for taking home the company's laptop on the weekend, behind the company's partners, and their secretaries.

But come Monday................Woo-hoo!


Unless, of course, that weekend in Batavia wore him to a frazzle.

 

[ferdville]

I'm betting he will say "Go west, young man."

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Barking Dogs:

Too simplistic. I deal in reality not some imaginary line drawn down the country. Anyway saying that, lets give your imagination a once over.

When you get up on the right side of the Mississippi (appropriate direction, by the way), kiss your lovely blond haired wife with the enhanced breasts goodbye, hop into your BMW to drive to the office, who is going to make your double shot vanilla latte at Starbucks? When you get to the office, whose going to valet park your Beemer? Who are you going to pay for that Wall street Journal at the kiosk before you get on the elevator?

Then when you get to your cubby hole on the 43rd floor of Collecthepremiums Insurance Company who will you greet as your secretary? Then when you go out to lunch (Which I fear you already are) whose going to serve you that chicken ceaser salad and iced tea at the restaurant? Whose going to pick up the dumpster in the basement of your skyscraper containing those empty diet coke cans, junk mail from your garbage can?

But you don't have to worry about that do you. Because you belong to the haves, the rest are the have nots. You know that the tax money you get back from Uncle W is going to investment right. You also know that Uncle W will bail out your company since the insurance industry, banking industry and oil industry are supporting the republican party. Right, yeah no problem.

The irony is though that you are absolutely right. If you think about it, if Democrats get there way they are creating future republicans. The more money the haves have, the more they want to hang onto it. The richer you are the more conservative you are and the more you want to hang onto it.

The reality my friend is that you cannot split the country in half, the haves must live with the have nots. Corporate welfare or welfare? Military spending or education? Less taxes vs. more homeless on the street? Insurance companies practicing medicine or doctors practicing medicine.

History teaches us diffeently. I don't like to throw the nazi terms around to loosly but I believe your theory was tried in Germany and Poland in the 30's and 40's. Hitler believed the strong should survive, the strong of course being the German people. Jews, blacks, eastern Europeans were all inferior.

Ironically, he placed these inferior people on trains and shipped them to the right in Germany to the concentration camps at Aushwitz and Treblinka (?). I watched the Republican convention in 2000 with a great amount of amusement. Token blacks, women etc. What a joke. The Rebulicans are the party of big busines. And big business concerns itself with survival and profits only.

Both sides of the border give money away. It is only the receipients that are different. I'd rather give my tax money to education, health, poor so they can dig out etc. Apparently you would rather give it to insurance, oil, and wealthy families.

I am dying to get your answer.

Eddie the moderate