Well, here I am, with no money left to bet, the rest of the season shot down the drain, having to owe money back, feeling like an idiot.......
I am done with betting this season, I'm not sure if I'm going to bet in the future. I'd like to say a few things......
After I loss that "Entire Acct Play" I was in shock, feeling numb, thinking "what the hell just happened?" Then I sat in my shower and let the hot spray hit on me for like half an hour, thinking what got me to this point in gambling. I had flash backs, like photo flashes of me as an adolescense and my dad, sitting at the table, picking teams on a parlay sheet. Now flash forward to me watching as Hawaii absolutely catch on fire in the second half against Tulsa as my days of gambling comes crashing down. If you seen my face, my jaw was opened, in awe, watching what was happening in the second half, it was like one of those nightmares you wake up from, but this time I was awake already, helpless, watching things unfold, like as if I was standing on a train track, watching a train coming closer and closer, about to hit me, as I try to move, but my legs are numb and I cannot move out of the way. Whaaam!!!!
Gambling is not exactly like cocaine, but it's usage can be, like we can look at it as we all taking cocaine, except the difference is that I over dosed and I just died. I should have been more careful and took it little by little to get the high and at the same time keep staying alive. Well, u know what I mean. I know I will get out of my debts, then what? Will I come back and make the same mistake?? Maybe, maybe not, i don't know.. that's the scary part.
I feel like the guy in "Pet Cemetary", you know the stephen king movie. The one where his wife died(just like my gambling life just did) and even if it should be left dead, the urge to bring it back is so great that I still might bring it back to life, even knowing that the consequences will most likely be bad or evil, but to have it alive again would be a craving I'm not sure I could resist. By the way, after the guy, who loved his wife dearly, brought her back to life in the movie, she came back and murdered him.
The sad thing is, that I'm not much interested in watching a game now without something riding on it. I still have those flash photo pics in my mind about those days as a kid throwing around the nerf football, while watching games for pure entertainment. Aaahhh, where have those days gone...sigh???