Men's Thoughts
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got
downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves
breakfast until 10:30.
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last
night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell
disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I
should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as
she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to
commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I
started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night,
and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her,
"Only you. All the others kept me awake!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I
wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!". "Oh," I replied, "so now
you want me to stay!"
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I
masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the
priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this
country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like
she's moving during sex.
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night
next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home
OK!
Bill Weddle
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got
downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves
breakfast until 10:30.
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last
night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell
disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I
should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as
she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to
commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I
started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night,
and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her,
"Only you. All the others kept me awake!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I
wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!". "Oh," I replied, "so now
you want me to stay!"
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I
masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the
priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this
country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like
she's moving during sex.
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night
next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home
OK!
Bill Weddle
