st paddy`s day?...

gardenweasel

gardenweasel

el guapo
Forum Member
Jan 10, 2002
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"the bunker"
Several Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer
and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel,
and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man
of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel,
and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to
see one of the Lord's chosen ones falling' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel,
and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...
one of the girls must be quite ill.."
 
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gardenweasel

gardenweasel

el guapo
Forum Member
Jan 10, 2002
40,584
231
63
"the bunker"
o.k...upping the ante..

-so, a baby seal goes into a bar....the barman says "what'll it be?"....

the seal replies, "anything but canadian club on the rocks."...

...............................

hmmm...let`s try..

a man was standing next to his broken snowmobile when a passing eskimo offered to help him...the eskimo looked at the engine, then looked at the man and proclaimed, "well, it looks like you blew a seal." ...

the man began to furiously scrub his moustache and shouted back, "no, no, i swear it's just ice!"....
...............................

gettin` serious now...a variation on the previous joke...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBUTYovAp50
 
yyz

yyz

Under .500
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Mar 16, 2000
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On the course!
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yyz

yyz

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On the course!
This one is good once a year:

Did you hear about the two Irish fags?


Michael Fitzpatrick, and Patrick fits Michael!
 
B

BADTODABONE

MM 82
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Jan 10, 2003
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You've Been Drinking Again...

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.
So, the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air
and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again.
So he decided to crawl the four blocks home.
Again, he fell flat on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright,
but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep
as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning
to his wife standing over him, shouting,
"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
Putting on an innocent look,
and intent on bluffing it out he said,
"What makes you say that?"
"The pub just called;
you left your wheelchair there again."
 
B

BADTODABONE

MM 82
Forum Member
Jan 10, 2003
5,191
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48
71
Islamorada, FL
Water to Wine

An Irish priest is driving down to New York
and gets stopped for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath
and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"
 
B

BADTODABONE

MM 82
Forum Member
Jan 10, 2003
5,191
29
48
71
Islamorada, FL
The Errand


McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini,
each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed,
the Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a customer,
who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done,
"what was that all about?"
"Nothin', said the Irishman,
"me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
 
B

BADTODABONE

MM 82
Forum Member
Jan 10, 2003
5,191
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48
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Islamorada, FL
Lost at Sea

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael,
were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape
from a burning freighter.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions,
Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a genie would appear,
he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however,
stated that he could only deliver one wish,
not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter,
Patrick blurted out,
"Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,
and immediately the entire sea turned into
the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull
broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick
whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick!
Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!
 
gardenweasel

gardenweasel

el guapo
Forum Member
Jan 10, 2002
40,584
231
63
"the bunker"
BADTODABONE said:
You've Been Drinking Again...

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.
So, the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air
and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again.
So he decided to crawl the four blocks home.
Again, he fell flat on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright,
but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep
as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning
to his wife standing over him, shouting,
"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
Putting on an innocent look,
and intent on bluffing it out he said,
"What makes you say that?"
"The pub just called;
you left your wheelchair there again."
Click to expand...

:rimshot http://www.instantrimshot.com/


and yyz`s monkeys?..the actors, the extras, the walk-ons, the makeup artists, every one involved,great job!... ..:lol: ..
 
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R

rawli007

lives
Forum Member
Jan 28, 2008
1,986
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0
Alabama
irish.jpg
 
B

BADTODABONE

MM 82
Forum Member
Jan 10, 2003
5,191
29
48
71
Islamorada, FL
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After awhile, one guy looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.'

The other guy responds proudly, 'Yes, that I am!'

The first guy says, 'So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be'?

The other guy answers, 'I'm from Dublin, I am.'

The first guy responds, 'So am I!'

'Sure and begorra. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?

The other guy says, 'A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary
Street in the old central part of town.'

The first guy says, 'Faith and it's a small world. So did I! So did I!
And to what school would you have been going'?

The other guy answers, 'Well now, I went to St.. Mary's, of course.'

The first guy gets really excited and says, 'And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate'?

The other guy answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'

The first guy exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it? I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self!'

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters,
'It's going to be a long night tonight.'

Vicky asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian'?

The Murphy twins are drunk again.
 
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