Uh-oh! Should I be worried?

[UT-Longhorn]

I guess I may not be needing that "Honeymoon Thread" I started last week if this goes the way Im feeling it may. I apologize if anyone is offended by me asking relationship questions, but Ive got a serious worry right now, and wanted to ask the forum their thoughts and advice on this situation im in. Here goes--
My girlfriend and I are the type--opposites attract. The best way I can describe it is in relationship to high school--Im the preppy jock and she is the artsy type. I like watching sports for fun, she likes going to art shows and exhibits for fun. Well, so far, over the past two years it has worked out rather good. A couple of months ago, like all other relationships, we went thru some ruff times, and split up to really gauge where our relationship was and see if we were "meant to be" so to say.

Well, we just got back together two weeks ago, after two months off, after deciding our love was true, and everything we had felt was legit. Anyway, we are eating dinner the other nite, and my g/f mentions she had the weirdest dream the night before. She tells me she had a dream, that she was making out with this guy and messing around with him. I felt a little weird about it then blew it off. (the guy she dreamt about was a guy friend she hung out with just about daily while we were apart---he is just like her in the aspect of he likes to go to art exhibits and art shows, etc)

Anyway, she tells me this dream, I dont know what to make of it, and then just blow it off thinking its nothing since we are now back together. Well, last nite around 8pm, I get back into town from a business trip, and call her on her cell phone to see if she wanted to grab some dinner. She doesnt answer, so i go on home. I call about an hour later, and still no answer. (She always has her phone on her, and rarely doesnt answer)
I call one more time around 1am before I went to bed)

So i check my phone this morning, and see I have 4 missed calls, from her, all between 2am-3am this morning. I get to work, and see that she emailed me and tells me sorry she missed my calls last nite, said she didnt see that I called until she left the party last nite, and then tells me she went to this birthday party---and guess who's? The guy she had a dream about and hung out with everyday when we were broken up. She then says a few other things, and then the last line of the email says, "So how do you feel about us and our relationship right now?"

Ok, tell me if Im over-reacting, but am I sensing something may be up between her and this other guy? I mean, she didnt return any calls last nite, until she leaves his party last nite at 2am, (and she had to be up at work at 7am this morning-she never stays out that late on a weeknite), says she has a dream about him a few days ago, and then this-"how do you feel about us" and our relationship stuff? Should I be concerned? We were just talking about engagement and stuff last week. She said I didnt miss anything at the party last nite, and not to worry about her not calling me and inviting me since they were not my type of people--(ie- artsy type)

Anyway, just looking for other's opinions..........we are about to go have lunch to "talk".......this should be interesting........

 

[TJBELL]

Good luck Matt!!! I'd have to think about this one. :shrug:

 

[THE KOD]

hey UT

woman troubles huh.

We all have them.

Not sure your ages but if your over 30 fight for her.
marry her. have her kids and try to find stuff to talk about in ten years. That is if you get through the first three years of getting used to each others bad habits. Oh you dont have any ? yeh right.

If your under 30 kick her to the curb and find someone else to love. I think I smell a rat in the woodpile.

Not sure if this helps. just my opinion. I been there. I think we all have. Let us know what happened. I dont think you are in control of the relationship. You may have to crack the whip some.

Good Luck !

Scott-Atlanta

 

[theGibber1]

Im going to give you bad news and good news..

this was about 5yrs ago..
The same thing happened to me..This was before we were engaged but we had discussed tying the knot..

My lady and i had been together about 4yrs but were going through tough times.. we broke it off for awhile... she went out and partied.. so did i.. but she went out w/ the same group.. and there was one guy in the group i was very concerned about.. i just had a bad feeling about him..
im not sure what its was ....shit she had mentioned before??
i dont know?? something about him just sent alarms off..

after a couple of weeks we started talking again.. each day we got better and better.. Then one night she goes out..

i call about midnight.. no answer... 1am.......2am...........3am........4am......
i called all phukin night..no answer
finally i got a call in the morning..

THE BAD NEWS
she phuked him!

I went nuts!! told myself id never talk to her again and i was out of there. PHUK YOU B-ATCH!!

THE GOOD NEWS..
im glad it happened

After a few weeks i pulled myself together.. i realized i couldnt get to mad b/c i did the same thing!

while we were broken up i knew we would get back together and eventually marry.. so i got myself a little action in the meantime.. she ment nothing, she was nothing.. i never saw her again.. nor do i want to..
We were young! I think my wife and i both.. just had to get something out of our systems before we made the plunge..

She loves me i love her.. i think she knew deep down i would be the last man she slept with.. It was just a fling... she never even talked to the Phuker again..

I dont know but im kind of glad the whole thing happened.. We have been together since our Senior years of High School...when your committed that early.. i think you just want to make sure your not missing anything..Im glad i tasted forbidden fruit before i committed myself to someone.. and im glad she tasted it too.. id rather it happen when we are young than 15yrs and 3 kids later.

now we are happily married! Things couldnt be better..

i dont know if this will help..
i guess im saying if she loves you.. and you love her... it will probably work out.. now if this becomes a habbit..
youve got yourself a problem

or she might not have done shit??
good luck

 

[marine]

Ok,

Since you asked, I will drop my two cents in the pot for you... kindy lengthy, but here goes my version of
"Ask Mr. Marine,"

The "dream" she had, I am willing to bet, was not really a dream at all. She was testing you to see what you would say, because she is THINKING ABOUT IT. She didnt dream it at night, my guess is she is doodling at work and wondering if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Its a perfect ploy... I do the shit to my wife all the time.

"Hey baby, i had the weirdest dream last nite, you were dressed in leather and had a set of jumper cables and a quart of oil next to the bed.. yadd ayadda yadda"
All in hopes of her getting the idea that it interests me and i WANT her to do that.

*author's note: said topic is for HYPOTHETICAL discusion only*

Now, on to the party...
She was there, you were gone. She went out to have a good time. Now having friends of the opposite sex is not a bad thing, in a relationship it is very beneficial actually. BUT, it is not something you should hide from your partner... which it sounds like she might be trying to do. Then again, they share common interests, so it may be just "her space" and she doesnt want you in it, and wants to enjoy and talk about her interests with a like minded individual.
Then again, she could be boning him.. highly doubtful however!

**She then says a few other things, and then the last line of the email says, "So how do you feel about us and our relationship right now?" ***

I am guessing here... but she is having second thoughts about marriage. She has someone there, that shares her likes and interests and I would guess is a very compatible person and she is wondering why she never dated him or gave him a chance in the romance department. She might be feeling like hooking up with you for the long haul may cramp her style and you would take away her interest in art, or suffocate it.

Overall, I am guessing she is having second thoughts about marriage... hey, its a scary reality. No more dating, no more midnight hookups... She is probably just worried about missing out on someone else, which leads to the question, will she be always looking for the bigger better deal?

My suggestion to you at this "talk" is to just ask her point blank:
"DO you think you missed out on the opportunity of dating Mr. X by marrying me?"
or
"Are you worried I am going to take away your interests and change/mold you into someone with my likes?"
or
"It looks to me as if you are having second thoughts about "us" and I am not very comfortable with the party the other night. It looks like you are trying to hide something from me. What am I not giving you that you need to be happy?"

 

[CrazyHorse]

Been there more than I care to admit. Best advice I could give(that may be hard to do) is to not stress yourself out over this. Wait until you have your talk to find out whats what. No sense in worrying yourself to death over this right now. I will be hoping everything is ok since you just posted about honeymoon advice. Good luck.

 

[OtroPex]

Well UT,

First let me state I am by no means a relationship expert.

I am 32, and am divorced. Couple things I have concluded in my "time off". It's true opposites might attact, but this will only
go so far. There also needs to be commonalities that each of
you have and share together. But by no means give up what
each person did before - these opposites are good for the "time away" from each other that all in a relationship should have.

In terms of the phone calls, and emails - agree - something is a little fishy. My only suggestion is to ask her, not in an accusatory (sp?) way, but in a "Hey, what's going on ?" kind of way. And about the dream - again i am no psycologist, but is that a way of letting out the truth in order to see how you would react, or for her to get rid of the guilt - if it actually did happen? Or is it just a duck - just a dream that she had, because she had spent time with him.

Having gone through a divorce, it obviously ain't fun. The last
thing you want to do is jump in - without knowing for sure (if that is even possible).

Ask her how she feels about this guy - if their is any doubt in either's mind - then at least hold off on jumping in the engagement, marriage thing.

Not sure if any of this helps - but there are many more things I could add, given the time. :shrug:

 

[Anders]

UT - some good advice there from Marine and OP. Ask her if she's having second thoughts, tell her you are worried that something's going on - just be straight up about it without it being an accusation. Hopefully she'll be straight with u in return. Hope it all works out well.

 

[Bluemound Freak]

Tell ya what I would do...........( O.K. I am in a really pissy mood and have been for a while so factor that in for me! )...........I'd find this little shit that she had the dream about and pummell his ass like a red headed step-munchkin! I.....as it may be hard to believe.....have a beautiful lady that all the dicks love to hang around and try to "be Friends" with her! I tell her all the time...these guys are just like me, they want you to roll around in the sack, I'm romantic! To the untrained eye it may seem that she is right, they may just be friends, but you as well as I know that they have the same shit on there mind just like us! sometimes it takes a little guidance from us to let them know that they are in the middle of a problem, or better yet it may be necessary for us to kick the ever living shit out of the swinging dick that is trying to bust up your relationship with that tired ole "We're just good friends shit"!

UT beat the snot out of this guy and then your problems will be solved! Trust me!If she is worth having, she is worth fighting over!

:nutkick

 

[UT-Longhorn]

Hey everyone, thanks for the replies. (Im 25 by the way) Well, what I feared just happened. She and didn?t even make it out of the parking lot and I got the "lets just be friends" talk. I want to apologize right now ahead of time, if this gets long, or winded, I just need to vent and don?t really have anyone to talk to right now at this moment. Man, it really sucks thinking this is the one, you go and look at engagement rings, start planning for that part of your life, and then take a business trip for a couple of days, your girlfriend hangs out with friends of hers that don?t really like you, and get her to doubting and then she wants to be friends right now while she figures out what exactly she wants.
Are there any ladies in this forum? If so, how can you change your mind about something like marriage so quickly? How can you be so dead set on marriage one minute, then two minutes later bail and do a 180? Granted I can see where she is coming I guess, since she has never dated anyone in her life except for me. Ive dated TONS of women so the marriage decision with her was a no-brainer for me, but now she is saying that her friends are telling her that she needs to "see what else is out there" and that getting married and only dating one guy is a mistake. I guess I can see where they are coming from, it just sucks having a relationship taking such a drastic swing so quick.
Dang this sucks.

She told me she wants to date other guys for a while, and see what its like since she never has before (she is 24 by the way--you would never think by looking at her she never dated anyone in her life before) I respect that, but she then asked me if we could take our relationship back to "just dating" while she dates other guys at the same time. At first I got pissed off and was like, "hell no!" but, got to thinking on the way back to the office, is that a good or bad thing? What would you do? I mean, I want to stay with her, but I don?t think I could take the fact that she is dating 2 other guys at the same time she is dating me. I told her no, that I couldn?t go back to just dating her while she saw other guys, then she said she loved me, cared about me, didn?t want to lose me, because she feels deep down that if she goes out there and plays the field that she may lose me inevitably and she doesn?t want to do that because she still feels that Im the best thing ever. Heck, I don?t know, would you do that with a girl? (stick around hoping she chooses you?) She then said she didn?t want to be girlfriend/boyfriend anymore, wanted to start dating other people for a while, but then said she still wanted to hang out together everyday, go do stuff on the weekends, talk everyday, etc. After hearing that, my head is just spinning--that sounds like what people do if they are together in a relationship OR best friends?!?! I love her, and care about her, we have been together over 2.5 years, but I think that would just be weird. So do you think I should do what she wants to do, or totally cut ties with her until she figures out what she really wants? Anyway, just wanted to update yall on my horrible day, sorry for the length but I just needed to vent.......


To sum up basically what all that above says, my main question is this-- If you were in a serious relationship, and then the girl says she wants to "just be friends" now, but still talk everyday, hang out everynite, do stuff like all other serious couples do, yet she still date two other dudes at the same time, would you do it? Or do as I feel right now, which is cut all ties, tell her she needs to figure out what it is she wants in life, and then we will talk. That?s how I feel right now, but I didn?t want to make a knee-jerk reaction without talking or getting other's opinions.

 

[acehistr8]

Take my word for it, cut bait now.

You will never stop thinking about her if you two are hanging out eveyr day and night. All you will want to do is hear about things she is doing, which probably means what other guys she is going out with. It will eat at you like acid. You two are just at different stages of your life right now, it happens. But man do not let yourself fall into that "lets hang out every day and night but I am still going to see other guys" deal. Take my word for it friend, it will kill you worse that cutting it off right now.

Bottom line is this will hurt like a bitch if you choose to cut it off. But in the long run you will be better off. I know that sounds hard to believe now, but take it from someone who has been there.

 

[UT-Longhorn]

Oh,and another thing, I just Point blank asked her does she have any interest in that guy at the party, or could she see herself dating him? She paused, then said yea, he makes me feel good when im around him. I said then fine, we are done, and you can go see if you actually may have something with this guy. And then she said well, why cant we stay good friends, still date, and then I date him as well and see if dating other people is the fix or not? I was like WTF?!?! I told her its us, or nothing and left it at that. Should I even consider getting back together now? Any other pointers? Thanks yall?..what a day???

 

[Palmetto Pimp]

Or do as I feel right now, which is cut all ties,

Thats exactly what you do man, bitch cant make up her mind forget her. There are better girls out there and you will find them, and probably have fun trying, plus you are only 25, so no biggie. Will hurt for a lil Im sure, but pretty soon you wont even remember her name lol ...So call her up and tell her to kiss moon1 :thefinger .

 

[theGibber1]

thats horse shit.!!!

she cant have the best of both worlds..!!

either dump me and move on..
but dont tell me you want to phuk around w/ other men, but leave me hanging around in case you change your mind!!

thats what i would tell her..
Trust me.. being friends wont work!

Please listen because i have experiance in this shit!!

the absolute worst thing you can do in this situation is be meak!!!
Dont beg.. dont cry and tell her you love her.. dont tell her you will try to be friends and date.. no matter how bad you want to tell her you love her.... DONT!!

this kind of attitude will only make it worse!!!!!!

please trust me on this!! if she thinks that you will stick around while she phucks around it will only encourage her...

Be cocky and arrogant! Go out w/ your friends and find some meaningless tail!!
when she finds out you are the one wanting to date.. watch her shit come crawling back!!!

when you speak to here again.. say

"yes you are right.. i would like to date other people also.. we are young and i need to experiment w/ other people.."

agree w/ her and throw it back in her face..

watch her attitude change!

if it doesnt..
well, wasnt ment to be..

just be glad you found out now..
my brother was married for 2 yrs.. then his wife came home from work and said

" weve made a mistake.. i got a job in Dallas and i dont want you to come"

phukin women really know how to shove it in then twist it off..

this will take time.. but keep yourself busy





good luck my man sorry to here about this

 

[Bluemound Freak]

Sorry Dude! That sucks.....I know how bad you must feel! Knda feels like the world is just waiting to fall on your head!


Sorry dude! And for that B*tch to pull this crap on rivalry week! Now that really sucks!

 

[Felonious Monk]

UT,

Sounds like we need to take you to The Penthouse this weekend.

 

[UT-Longhorn]

Thanks all for the advice, I really appreciate it. Man, this really sucks. I wasnt even expecting this, and WHAM! it happens. Ive sat at my desk for the last 2 hours just staring at the wall.....geez, I need to get out of here........atleast my France wager won today in Soccer for me.......

 

[theGibber1]

women cant live w/ them...........................


pass the beer nuts.

 

[buddy]

Always give a girl the "Door Test".

When you arrive at her house, you get out of your car and make sure all your car doors are locked.

When you walk her to your car, you unlock her door, make sure she is seated comfortably, then close her door and walk to the back of the car.

You glance through the back window.

If she did not make a move to unlock your door...

you dump her.

 

[UT-Longhorn]

Always give a girl the "Door Test".

When you arrive at her house, you get out of your car and make sure all your car doors are locked.

When you walk her to your car, you unlock her door, make sure she is seated comfortably, then close her door and walk to the back of the car.

You glance through the back window.

If she did not make a move to unlock your door...

you dump her.

Well, she passed that test with flying colors.....not only did she open the door for me, but she also adjusted my seat!