hey UT.. this happens all the time... TAKE YOUR MIND OFF OF IT.. there are LOTS OF GAMES TO HANDICAP THIS WEEKEND.
good luck friend..!
good luck friend..!
Uh-oh! Should I be worried?
- Thread starter UT-Longhorn
- Start date
the longer you communicate with her, the longer you will be hurting.
cut off all ties, and yes, it will hurt for a few weaks, but i promise ya you will feel better a month from now.
plus, i guarntee you that if you cut her off she will start missing you
cut off all ties, and yes, it will hurt for a few weaks, but i promise ya you will feel better a month from now.
plus, i guarntee you that if you cut her off she will start missing you
Well, I just checked my VoiceMail, and she just left me a message. She was sobbing, saying that she didnt know what she was saying, or doing, and was confused, and that now she doesnt want to splitup, and wants to work it out and wants to come over tonite to clear things up between us. So now, knowing this, and wanting to make sure I CONTROL THE RELATIONSHIP unequivocally what should I do about this?
first of all, if you see her tonight...shes in control.
tell her you have plans already or that YOU need some time to think.
i see to many of my friends turn into big pussies in these types of situations. and yes, if your in this forum then you are a friend
dont see her tonight. see how you feel after a couple days.
i promise you'll like the results
by the way, from 1994 to 1999 my wife and i split up 3 times. trust me..it will always work itself out
the last time we split up was in august of 99. we took 2 years off........and we just got back from st. lucia in march from our honeymoon
tell her you have plans already or that YOU need some time to think.
i see to many of my friends turn into big pussies in these types of situations. and yes, if your in this forum then you are a friend
dont see her tonight. see how you feel after a couple days.
i promise you'll like the results
by the way, from 1994 to 1999 my wife and i split up 3 times. trust me..it will always work itself out
the last time we split up was in august of 99. we took 2 years off........and we just got back from st. lucia in march from our honeymoon
do not act meak..
if you go over there.. you are PHUKED!!!
tell her you think she was right. and dating others might be healthy..
trust me
if you go over there.. you are PHUKED!!!
tell her you think she was right. and dating others might be healthy..
trust me
Gibber said it best...be cocky and arrogant.
BUT-DO NOT be a son-of-a-bitch....Sounds like she wants the best of both, but you can't give it to her. Be honest, upfront, but not an asshole if you are even thinking about keeping her around. If she needs to sew her oates, let her. You can't stop her regardless, so let her do it. If she's the one for you, be patient. I'm not saying wait forever, just don't bail and burn your bridges. She could be using the "friends..bla blah blah" as a front cause she doesn't have the gall to say piss of completely. It's really about what you want. If you seriously think that she is the one, give her time. She needs to realize that you are the one too otherwise the marriage will fail and be miserable. Don't get ass just to get even, get ass cause you deserve ass too. Let her play her cards, and you watch for a couple of days. If she avoids you etc, move on and let your heart catch up to you down the road. It will, but it might be a while. You are young and have so much ahead of you. I am 27 and got married at 20, by choice not shotgun. Keep your head on straigt and be alert to not only what she says and does, but more importantly to what she doesn't say and doesn't do. Wish you the best.
BUT-DO NOT be a son-of-a-bitch....Sounds like she wants the best of both, but you can't give it to her. Be honest, upfront, but not an asshole if you are even thinking about keeping her around. If she needs to sew her oates, let her. You can't stop her regardless, so let her do it. If she's the one for you, be patient. I'm not saying wait forever, just don't bail and burn your bridges. She could be using the "friends..bla blah blah" as a front cause she doesn't have the gall to say piss of completely. It's really about what you want. If you seriously think that she is the one, give her time. She needs to realize that you are the one too otherwise the marriage will fail and be miserable. Don't get ass just to get even, get ass cause you deserve ass too. Let her play her cards, and you watch for a couple of days. If she avoids you etc, move on and let your heart catch up to you down the road. It will, but it might be a while. You are young and have so much ahead of you. I am 27 and got married at 20, by choice not shotgun. Keep your head on straigt and be alert to not only what she says and does, but more importantly to what she doesn't say and doesn't do. Wish you the best.
theGibber1 said:do not act meak..
if you go over there.. you are PHUKED!!!
tell her you think she was right. and dating others might be healthy..
trust me
Perfect advise!!! YOU must run this show now! Make her WANT YOU!!!! she laid the ground rules and now YOU must follow them. I know it kills you and you want to just hug and kiss this thing away. Everyone is right!! make her feel like the piece of shit for even bringing this up. Play hard to get. DO NOT ANSWER YOUR PHONE for a few days. Follow the advise of ALL these posters and all will be fine. Good luck Matt!!!! (I know it hurts, bud!)
UT sorry for all the crap she is causing. You sound like a guy that puts a lot into the relationship. From my own battles with this crap it is a good idea to cut her loose. If she does not want to make the relationship = then she does not need it. This chit happens to all of us, and from the sound of things this might of happened at some point in time. I am 24 and it seems like people our age take the big c word with a grain of salt. Hang in there and everything will work out in the end.
Jacob
Jacob
UT,
Sorry to hear what happened. But have to agree with what's already been said, especially from Gib1
You have to take the "I don't give a phluk" attitude.
25 - Perfect - plenty of time bro'
Love that "Bronx Tale" reference - a classic
And if all else fails tell her - Me lleva la burger contigo!!
She is obviously undecided - don't wait for her to decide
move on - and sample on the good tequilas out there.
Not sure who initially wrote it - but I love the line:
"Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die"
Sorry to hear what happened. But have to agree with what's already been said, especially from Gib1
You have to take the "I don't give a phluk" attitude.
25 - Perfect - plenty of time bro'
Love that "Bronx Tale" reference - a classic
And if all else fails tell her - Me lleva la burger contigo!!
She is obviously undecided - don't wait for her to decide
move on - and sample on the good tequilas out there.
Not sure who initially wrote it - but I love the line:
"Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die"
She sounds like she is looking for a "trophy husband" which is fine and dandy if the guy is a idiot and doesnt really know any better. But, you seem to have a lil bit of class to ya. so it might not be the best deal for you.
Dude,
If you go back to her, let me know... I will fly down and chop your balls off and hold on to them for you until you are man enough to wear them again.
There are a few things going on here.
1. She is testing you... seeing how much you are willing to do for her. I.e, "How much do you love me baby?"
prediction: Highly unlikley
2. She is honest to goodness just confused, weddings are a big step and she feels a lil bewilderd by the fact that she will never date anyone else again. Mostly, it is men that feel this way, I am surprised to hear a woman feels this way too. but hmmmmmm... she strap one on every once in awhile to get the ole man testosterone going?
Prediction: Possible
3. She is unsure of you. Unsure that you are "the one" little girls dream about. She just doesn't know. She wants to go out and test the waters. Your role in this scenario? Sit back and wait for her to make up her mind. Nope, sorry dude, you can wait for her to make up her mind on what color shoes to wear with the new purse, or even what jeans make her look fat... but NEVER wait for her to choose between two (or more) guys.
Prediction: Most likely
A question my chief and I used to ask my guys when they came telling us they wanted to get married:
Johnny seaman: "Sir, I want to marry this girl"
ME: Why do you want to marry her?
Johnny seaman: Because I love her (bat your lashes and hold your hand over your heart now too)
BUT THAT IS THE WRONG ANSWER!
the correct answer is:
BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME
Bottom line is, you subject yourself to this game now, it can only get worse.
How are you gonna feel when she comes back and says "yea, you win" and then on your wedding night you are consumating the marriage knowing that a few other boys have also test drove this car?
so it might not be the best deal for you.Dude,
If you go back to her, let me know... I will fly down and chop your balls off and hold on to them for you until you are man enough to wear them again.
There are a few things going on here.
1. She is testing you... seeing how much you are willing to do for her. I.e, "How much do you love me baby?"
prediction: Highly unlikley
2. She is honest to goodness just confused, weddings are a big step and she feels a lil bewilderd by the fact that she will never date anyone else again. Mostly, it is men that feel this way, I am surprised to hear a woman feels this way too. but hmmmmmm... she strap one on every once in awhile to get the ole man testosterone going?
Prediction: Possible
3. She is unsure of you. Unsure that you are "the one" little girls dream about. She just doesn't know. She wants to go out and test the waters. Your role in this scenario? Sit back and wait for her to make up her mind. Nope, sorry dude, you can wait for her to make up her mind on what color shoes to wear with the new purse, or even what jeans make her look fat... but NEVER wait for her to choose between two (or more) guys.
Prediction: Most likely
A question my chief and I used to ask my guys when they came telling us they wanted to get married:
Johnny seaman: "Sir, I want to marry this girl"
ME: Why do you want to marry her?
Johnny seaman: Because I love her (bat your lashes and hold your hand over your heart now too)
BUT THAT IS THE WRONG ANSWER!
the correct answer is:
BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME
Bottom line is, you subject yourself to this game now, it can only get worse.
How are you gonna feel when she comes back and says "yea, you win" and then on your wedding night you are consumating the marriage knowing that a few other boys have also test drove this car?
I agree with all of the above. She will think that if she tries to cut ties with you and tonight she changes her mind, then you will be there in 5 minutes ready to mend the relationship. Trust me, she will do it again and then it will become a habit. She will take your relationship for advantage and burn you worse down the road.
I would tell her that you agreee with her on the taking some time off to think for a day or so and then see how she feels in 2 days. If she still feels the same way, then you can talk to her when she isn't crying and irraational. You might have a different thought about the relationship then also.
I can't believe that this has been building for a while, and she tells you some other guy makes her fell good, and she wants to be friends and date, and then callls you crying a few hours later begging to get back together.
Please have some kahonies and tell her that you are not going to put up with this stuff.
And, If you do get tossed by her, then Felonious Monk and I and Roger all mihg tknow that the Penthouse might give you at least a bit of medicine to cheer you up.
I would tell her that you agreee with her on the taking some time off to think for a day or so and then see how she feels in 2 days. If she still feels the same way, then you can talk to her when she isn't crying and irraational. You might have a different thought about the relationship then also.
I can't believe that this has been building for a while, and she tells you some other guy makes her fell good, and she wants to be friends and date, and then callls you crying a few hours later begging to get back together.
Please have some kahonies and tell her that you are not going to put up with this stuff.
And, If you do get tossed by her, then Felonious Monk and I and Roger all mihg tknow that the Penthouse might give you at least a bit of medicine to cheer you up.
UT,
You are getting some great advice here. Really nothing I can add that hasn't already been said. Let me just give you something you have probably heard before but my mother told me this years ago when I was going thru an ordeal w/ someone I loved.(when I was close to your age):
Strength is not holding on. Strength is letting go.
Not saying you have to do this, have to do that. It is for you to decide. Everyone here is hoping for the best, including me. Good luck and please try not to stress yourself too much over this. I am horrible at following that advice as I have spent many a nite throwing up, staring at the phone, etc. But it will do you no good to think about this too much. Go out w/ your friends, see a funny movie, just do anything to help keep your mind off this.
You are getting some great advice here. Really nothing I can add that hasn't already been said. Let me just give you something you have probably heard before but my mother told me this years ago when I was going thru an ordeal w/ someone I loved.(when I was close to your age):
Strength is not holding on. Strength is letting go.
Not saying you have to do this, have to do that. It is for you to decide. Everyone here is hoping for the best, including me. Good luck and please try not to stress yourself too much over this. I am horrible at following that advice as I have spent many a nite throwing up, staring at the phone, etc. But it will do you no good to think about this too much. Go out w/ your friends, see a funny movie, just do anything to help keep your mind off this.
dont call her
dont email
dont see her.
get back in control.
She needs time to get her head on right anyways. Give it to her and have time for yourself too.
If you can go out of town this weekend and stay in another city. She will be nuts by the time yu get home. Then when she calls you Monday and screams where have you been all weekend ?
you say I was away on business. keep cool . she will come crawling back. If she dont then she is the wrong one anyways.
Scott-Atlanta
dont email
dont see her.
get back in control.
She needs time to get her head on right anyways. Give it to her and have time for yourself too.
If you can go out of town this weekend and stay in another city. She will be nuts by the time yu get home. Then when she calls you Monday and screams where have you been all weekend ?
you say I was away on business. keep cool . she will come crawling back. If she dont then she is the wrong one anyways.
Scott-Atlanta
for once Scott has something intelligent to say........
Tell her you are not going to tolerate her behavior. There are plenty of other girls out there who will be faithful to you. Cut off the relationship. It is hard to do but you must. She may come crawling back. When and if that happens, deal with it then.
Your only real chance to get her back is to tell her this. Women are attracted to strength. Time to show her strength more powerful than hers. Thats the problem with many girls these days. They try to break your strength and when they do, they leave you for someone else.
Good girls do not do this. You deserve better. Only way she is worth anything is if she changes.
Sorry this happened to you. A similar thing happened to me. It was very hard on my and i hurt a lot and still kind of do even though i have since moved on........
you have a support group here whenever you need one......lean on other friends too...preferably loyal ones who will help you whenever you need it
Tell her you are not going to tolerate her behavior. There are plenty of other girls out there who will be faithful to you. Cut off the relationship. It is hard to do but you must. She may come crawling back. When and if that happens, deal with it then.
Your only real chance to get her back is to tell her this. Women are attracted to strength. Time to show her strength more powerful than hers. Thats the problem with many girls these days. They try to break your strength and when they do, they leave you for someone else.
Good girls do not do this. You deserve better. Only way she is worth anything is if she changes.
Sorry this happened to you. A similar thing happened to me. It was very hard on my and i hurt a lot and still kind of do even though i have since moved on........
you have a support group here whenever you need one......lean on other friends too...preferably loyal ones who will help you whenever you need it
Trust me man, and I'm Married (Happily!!!!), she is already messing around with the other guy. I agree with Marine, she was just trying to test you and see how you would react to her little dream.
Cut your losses now!! It sounds like she wants you around to pay for stuff, and be trophy boyfriend, while art freak gets all the good benefits.
Sorry to put it so bluntly, but Love is definately blind. You never want to see the worst in who you're with, just the good.
Cut your losses now!! It sounds like she wants you around to pay for stuff, and be trophy boyfriend, while art freak gets all the good benefits.
Sorry to put it so bluntly, but Love is definately blind. You never want to see the worst in who you're with, just the good.
OtroPex said:
Not sure who initially wrote it - but I love the line:
"Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die"
Private Petey doesn't
and UT ----- you've gotten some marvelous advice from these guys.
IMO, what would have *gotten to her* the most, but it is now too late for if not done from the start, would be when she hit you with the *friends* line, tell her that sounds like a great idea to you, and you were thinking along those lines also.....Make sure she understands the part that you want to still *hang out* with her occasionally tho, and continue on as friends. DO NOT be the one to make the first call to her to do something........and when she contacts you, if she is asking you to do anything with any less than a full week notice.......tell her you already have a date for that night. After about a month of having to make advance arrangements to see you, she'll either come to her senses or wasn't really meant to be in the first place (in which case this is a good thing to find out prior to the wedding)
best of luck to ya!!!
can't help but to chime in here.....
UT, from what i've read so far.....this girl is confused as hell....
you don't NEED that right now....she's already hurt you bad....i can relate.
it's gonna be tough.
i went through the same thing with this girl i thought i would spend the rest of my life with....( hey, i can still dream, can't i...?)
i won't get into details, but pretty much we split...it wasn't amicable....but damn it was hard as hell to get her outta my mind...everything reminded me of her....TV, music, other things....
you need to go cold turkey and to get her out of your mind....
1) don't be an asshole to her, just be diplomatic and cut the ties...
2) keep yourself busy man...this is a time when you'll know who your real friends are to help you out.
make up a schedule to keep your mind busy.....work out, watch sports...visit some old friends...whatever floats your boat.
3) having fun with other girls IS ok...and you WILL feel better....in the short term....just don't do anything stoopid.
( i know they'll be some people that disagree with this one...but i'm speaking from experience... )
4) let things blow over.....DON'T be the one to go back to her....she's shown her cards now....you're the one that's got the moxy, ya savy????
5) KEEP YOUR MIND BUSY and STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HER.
good luck in your journey towards enlightenment.
CHRIS.
UT, from what i've read so far.....this girl is confused as hell....
you don't NEED that right now....she's already hurt you bad....i can relate.
it's gonna be tough.
i went through the same thing with this girl i thought i would spend the rest of my life with....( hey, i can still dream, can't i...?)
i won't get into details, but pretty much we split...it wasn't amicable....but damn it was hard as hell to get her outta my mind...everything reminded me of her....TV, music, other things....
you need to go cold turkey and to get her out of your mind....
1) don't be an asshole to her, just be diplomatic and cut the ties...
2) keep yourself busy man...this is a time when you'll know who your real friends are to help you out.
make up a schedule to keep your mind busy.....work out, watch sports...visit some old friends...whatever floats your boat.
3) having fun with other girls IS ok...and you WILL feel better....in the short term....just don't do anything stoopid.
( i know they'll be some people that disagree with this one...but i'm speaking from experience... )
4) let things blow over.....DON'T be the one to go back to her....she's shown her cards now....you're the one that's got the moxy, ya savy????
5) KEEP YOUR MIND BUSY and STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HER.
good luck in your journey towards enlightenment.
CHRIS.
