What food causes the Worst Farts For you?

[IntenseOperator]

This thread would not have been complete without input from the knowledgeable Wizzard of Hind Quarters, Marine :moon:

 

[fatdaddycool]

Its good to be back and thank you for the kind words. However, I have a new girl and she is reading this with me and I just let a one cheek sneak go. Needless to say...........................she loves me....................lol.......................god bless american women

 

[Nosigar]

I don't know what's the worse, but whatever the hell I ate last night is pretty nasty! Ufffffff :flush: :wall:

 

[lawtchan]

Just knocked down a dozen "sliders" (raw oysters) with horseradish,

"Update" to follow

:flush: :sadwave:

 

[Clem D]

Can't wait for that update!!

 

[pacerfan]

http://www.sillyjokes.co.uk/fart_machine/fart_slang.html

 

[lawtchan]

Just knocked down a dozen "sliders" (raw oysters) with horseradish,

"Update" to follow

:flush: :sadwave:

UPDATE!!!
Just "dropped off" a dozen sliders with horseradish,

someone please send me a bag of ice!!

:142crying :142crying :142crying :142crying

 

[c20916]

Anything with milk gets me, but the food that makes me even gag after I let er fly is gordon's fish sticks with some fries and a glass of milk. I eat that and 10 minutes later plants are dying around the house. And these farts linger too. My wife travels for work and comes home Thursday night, but if i ate these at 6, the house would still stink when she got home around 10.

The best is when I have gas and I get into bed before my wife and let a few rip under the covers, I am like a little kid waiting for her to get into bed and waffle up the covers and once she reacts to the smell I laugh for 10 minutes. :142lmao: :142lmao:

This thread is too funny, I can't stop laughing. :142smilie :142smilie :142smilie

 

[JCoverS]

IMO, this one needs to be revisited, especially for anyone who might have missed this "instant classic" thread in the Gen. Dis. area.

-JC

 

[jr11]

You guys are too good. I am officially off for the next weeks and just screwing around in home office killing time until I go drink about 12 beers/couple of jaegerbombs (sp), but this thread brought me to tears I am laughing so hard. This is a classic.

:clap:

jr11

 

[Blackman]

Just tried Liverwurst for the first time -- have to say I kinda liked it, but also won't be suprised if I run into problems in about an hour.

Only time will tell.

 

[Clem D]

I found a new weapon of joice for those special nights with the wife like anniversarys and valentines when you want to watch the game and the Seahag wants to snuggle.
Kielbasa, SaureKraut, and beer. Satrt off knocking back a half dozen deviled eggs and some cheese before the main course. Trust me an hour after dinner you will be just rotten. Let a couple of these go and she will just beg you to go to the bar or play cards or something.

 

[The Big Tease]

Guys.....I have gotta tell you that since we last visited this thread I have really raised the bar.......I have started frequenting the Ryan's Steakhouse here in town.....for those of you that do not know....this is a big ole buffet that attracts all the local white trash. I always have my share of the meat and gravy....not sure what kind of meat....but what I do know is that everytime I over-eat this stuff......I end up on the can before I leave.

I had to ask the kind waitress I had last night for a plunger......because I got things caught up in the pipes. But even after I empty myself, I have these crazy farts that my wife cant handle. I got the dogs pretty good last night....even those bastards left the room, LOL!

 

[Another Steve]

After a night out eating TexMex and drinking Margo's I make myself cry, the Cat run and end up leaving the room. Going to work, in the morning is the worst. No where to run, no where to Hide.

Good thing I'm having Pasta tonight, GF is here and I want some Candy tonight.

 

[lawtchan]

Maybe marine can let us know


after his moon1 becomes a "packing plant", and it takes a week or so to get things moving

:sadwave: :cursin: :sadwave: :cursin: :flush:

 

[toastonastick]

I found a nice addition. Sushi/sashimi Tuna and Salmon with sake and beer.

Man these guys were brutal last night

 

[Mjolnir]

double chili cheeseburgers, chili cheese fries, extra large dr. pepper, then after it has settled for a few minutes slam a large glass of milk for the lactose intollerance effect.

 

[Palmetto Pimp]

Anyway, I try to tell her "I don't know" when this crap cramp sends me into contractions about ten seconds apart. I had to boom boom and in a hurry with a fury. When I go to throw the covers off....................you can't believe..........I mean..............can't believe the stench that german comforter throws out. I don't know how many geese lost their lives to make this comforter but no wonder their feathers dont get wet. Sweet Jesus it sent the wife straight into violent and uncontrollable retching, all the while calling me a sick bastard. How I get blamed for it I am not sure, but I know I ran into the crapper and took the Browns to the super bowl.

LMFAO! Funniest thread in awile. Clem D had me cracking up from the first post.
For me #1 has to be Milk...being lactose intorerent will get you everytime. My kids (4 and 5) just discovered the whoopie cushion...never seen them laugh so hard and they wont put it down.

Heres a funny email I dug up...knew I saved it for a reason.

> Subject: Do You Like Chili?
>
>
> Too funny to not pass on. Enjoy!
>
> Ray
>
>

> NOTE: If you had ever lived in Texas, the response of the first two
judges
> are pretty close to what you would expect. They actually have
> a Chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It takes up
a
major
> portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are from an
> inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from
the
East
> Coast:
>
>
> I think you will enjoy this one. Read all the responses to get the
full
> impact.
>
>
> "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off.
The
> original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to
be
> standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the
Budweiser
> truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges
(Native
> Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they
told
me
> I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
>
> Here are the scorecards from the event:
>
>
> Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
>
> Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
>
> Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth, tomato flavor. Very mild
>
> Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You
could
> remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
> flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
>
>
>
> Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili
>
> Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
>
> Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
>
> Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure
what
I'm
> supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people
> who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more
beer
> when they saw the look on my face.
>
>
>
> Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
>
> Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more
beans.
>
> Judge # 2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers
>
> Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose
feels
like
> I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by
> now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the
back,
now
> my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced
from
> all of the beer
>
>
>
> Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic
>
> Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
>
> Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for
fish or
> other mild foods, not much of a chili.
>
> Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
unable
to
> taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid,
was
> standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch is
starting to
> look HOT-just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an
aphrodisiac?
>
>
>
> Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover
>
> Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding
> considerable kick. Very impressive.
>
> Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit
> the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
>
> Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead
and I
> can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me
needed
> paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
chili
> had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
pouring
> beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips
off.
> It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
screaming.
> Screw those rednecks.
>
>
>
> Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
>
> Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance
of
> spices and peppers.
>
> Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic.
> Superb.
>
> Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous,
> sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will
eat
> through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except
that
> slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips
> anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
>
>
>
> Chili # 7 Susan's screaming Sensation Chili
>
> Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
peppers.
>
> Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can
of
chili
> peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried
about
Judge
> # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
>
> Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and
I
> wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
sounds
like
> it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which
slide
> unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like shit to
match my
> shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
> decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting
any
> oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch
hole
> in my stomach.
>
>
>
> Chili #8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili
>
> Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not
too
bold
> but spicy enough to declare its existence.
>
> Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild
nor
> hot.
>
> Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell
over
> and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's
going to
> make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot
chili."
>

 

[wareagle]

:com:

 

[eric stratton]

S-LOVE great pic
for more info on farts http://www.coolquiz.com/trivia/explain/docs/fart.asp