Now that people have stopped asking when we?re ?moving back home? to the US, we?re actually considering it. We?ve just started our fourth and last year in Dubai. We know we want to move but the question is, where? I know many expats, those with limited contracts, facing the same question. On to another country, another adventure, treating Dubai as just one stop in a lifetime spent overseas? Or do we move back to the US, settle down, buy a house?
This is our second time living overseas - we spent two years in S. Korea and Japan - and it probably won?t be our last. We were living on Okinawa when our older daughter was born and decided to return to the US. I was homesick and wanted to be closer to my family and friends. Perhaps our destination, a small mid-Western town, wasn?t the best choice because within two months we were ready to go abroad again. We?re both city people and spent that year wishing we were somewhere else.
When I think about moving back to the US, part of me is afraid we?ll regret our decision, that it will be like our year in Ohio, starved for adventure. I tell myself, and my husband, that it will be different if we move to a city - New York, Boston, DC, Chicago. We?ll still be able to travel. I know we?ll have to make certain concessions, almost certainly money related. Dubai offers great perks for lucky expats: tax-free income, free housing, free private education, and annual vacation money. The UAE is centrally located for travel to Europe, Asia, Africa. Travel from the US will be more difficult and almost certainly more expensive.
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Although we?d have to give up some things, living in the US would have definite advantages. First, we?d be closer to family and friends. This has become more of an issue as my daughters get older. My oldest, Annie, is nearly five and she?s particularly interested in family. She wants to talk to them, see them, know about them. Visiting our family for a couple of weeks every (or every other) summer no longer seems enough. I want my daughters to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. The feeling of love and safety that comes from extended family, from tradition.
We?re part of this extended family, but only nominally. Since we live so far away, people have started to forget about us. Family and friends get pregnant, sick, divorced, move and we find out about it months later. We?re out of the loop. I don?t blame them really. We?ve been gone for four years. It?s easy to forget.
Another issue that?s related to this is a sense of identity. I was reading something about ?third culture kids? (children who don?t identify with their country of nationality or their country of residence). This applies to my girls. Although they?re American, neither girl was born there. The confusion arises when someone asks the popular question ?Where are you from?? Annie was born in Japan, lived in the US for one year and has been in Dubai for three years. She tells people she?s from New York, although she?s never lived there. That?s where I?m from and where my mother still lives. At first I thought her answer was funny, but I realize she needs to place herself somewhere. She needs some identification. Last year she was working out the idea of nationality and continually asked what she was (American), what language we speak (English, not American). She also needed to label other people.
In Dubai, 80% of the population are expats, so most people are from somewhere else. The diversity is fantastic, but being an American abroad can be dangerous these days. For a while my husband and I told strangers we were from Ireland, not a complete lie since we?re both of Irish descent. We felt it was safer if people didn?t know we were Americans, especially people we?d be unlikely to see again. This backfired a few weeks ago. Annie and I were taking a taxi home and the driver asked where we were from. I said, ?Ireland,? and Annie said, ?Mom, why are you lying? You know we?re from New York because we?re American because our family is American.? I met the driver?s eyes in the rear-view mirror and smiled, embarrassed. From now on we?ll have to tell the truth and take our chances. This is another drawback to living overseas. A good portion of the world hates America. Most people make a distinction between the country and its citizens, but what about those crazy few? I hate feeling like I have to hide my nationality. Although Dubai?s a fairly safe place, I wouldn?t feel comfortable wearing an American flag t-shirt. With two little girls to think about, it simply isn?t worth the risk. In America, you?re American. You don?t have to think about it, or more importantly - hide it.
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Another ?cost? to living overseas is job related. It can be difficult to find a job in the US again. It?s much easier to interview someone who?s already in the States, than to fly someone in from overseas. With such competition for jobs, this might be an easy way to weed someone out. In academia, my husband?s profession, jobs only open up at certain times of the year, so this makes it even more difficult. On the other hand, once you?ve lived overseas, you?re much more marketable for overseas jobs. You?ve already proven yourself.
... There are other reasons, probably more peculiar to Dubai, why I want to move back. I miss certain American conveniences. For example, being able to find anything you need. Dubai?s pretty good in that respect, but some things are mind-numbing, like how every pharmacy could be out of contact lens solution, for months. There?s also the shortage of ?culture? (theater, opera, art films, concerts) and the limited offerings at book shops, video and music stores. It?s fine for mainstream items, but anything slightly obscure you have to order from Amazon. There?s also the censorship. Films are edited (often very badly) and magazines have nudity blacked out with magic marker. Some books and videos will never make it to Dubai. Whenever we visit the US, we?re awed by the selection of videos to rent, films to see, books to buy or borrow (no English-language libraries in Dubai). I miss these things. Not overwhelmingly so, but a little bit each day.
One thing that does grate on me almost daily, and a big reason why I couldn?t live in Dubai indefinitely, is the heat. We have six months of mind-blowing heat, 100+ F during the day and humid. It?s tolerable, of course. Dubai?s a city of indoor AC life. The winter months (Dec-Mar) are lovely but it never gets cold enough for me. I miss snow, rain, chilly mornings, crisp air.
I know that I?ll miss Dubai, all its glitz and diversity. Miss talking to people from twenty different countries on a daily basis. Miss the energy, the excitement of a city that?s still building itself. We?ll be gone by the time the Burj Dubai (the world?s tallest building) and The World and Palm Islands (man-made islands shaped like the continents and palm trees) are completed, or when the scores of other outrageous projects meant to lure tourists are done. And, if we do move back to the US, we?ll miss that rush we get from living in a foreign place. We?ll miss our friends here and the easy lifestyle. We?ll miss it all but not enough to make us stay
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not sure what a expat is.
free housing ?
I couldnt do it.
PS - if they catch you with alcohol or drugs, they cut off your hands.
