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  1. Cricket

    Choosing a wife

    Choosing a wife A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup...
  2. Cricket

    CROW KILLS ANALYSIS

    Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely...
  3. Cricket

    JOKE

    The Greatness Of Socrates Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard...
  4. Cricket

    Hilton picks

    Anybody see the madjack teams picks?
  5. Cricket

    Sarcasm at its best(joke)

    Subject: SARCASM AT ITS BEST A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?" The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these Cravings. She's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings. The doctor...
  7. Cricket

    A Christmas Story

    HO HO HO!!!! When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the...
  8. Cricket

    Not so famous sports quotes

    "Last year we couldn't win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn't think of anyplace else to play." - Harry Neale, professional hockey coach "Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch." - Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom...
  9. Cricket

    Praying To The Wall

    A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and...
  10. Cricket

    Late Night Vet Call

    A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds...
  11. Cricket

    Things You Can Get Away With Saying On Thanksgiving.

    HAPPY THANKSGIVING.LOVE AND PEACE TO ALL.... 1. Talk about a huge breast! > >2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. > >3. It's Cool Whip time! > >4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst! > >5. Whew, that's one terrific spread! > >6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat. > >7...
  13. Cricket

    Early Christmas Joke

    Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.' The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it...
  14. Cricket

    The toilet seat

    > > > > > My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet. > > Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned. > > She came in and...
  15. Cricket

    Medical Check Up

    An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 yr-old bride who is pregnant with my child. 'So what do you think about that Doc ?' The...
  16. Cricket

    Too much golf !!!

    This is what too much golf can do to you! Eileen and her husband John went for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She...
  17. Cricket

    Fowl Bowel

    Bryan came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he woke up he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe...
  19. Cricket

    Joke

    VOTED BEST JOKE IN IRELAND John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night ! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast...
  20. Cricket

    Correctness Update

    Correctness update Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS. And furthermore, HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE...
  21. Cricket

    Joke

    Subject: Frank Feldman A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along...
  22. Cricket

    Hilton picks?

    Anybody seen MJ's Hilton picks?
  23. Cricket

    Two Lawyers

    Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food. Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming... One day the lawyer yelled down from...
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