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  1. Cricket

    The Back Pew

    A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold...
  2. Cricket

    Better than viagra

    Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat...
  3. Cricket

    Windows Vs. Ford Motor Co.

    For those of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If Ford had kept up with technology like the...
  4. Cricket

    Irrefutable Laws

    1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being...
  5. Cricket

    Blonde Mortician

    BLONDE MORTICIAN A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already...
  7. Cricket

    Very talented young lady.

    http://goo.gl/HQkRby
  8. Cricket

    50th Wedding anni.

    Celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. "Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed Son No. 1. 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a...
  9. Cricket

    Financial planning

    Financial Planning Fred was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he discovered he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Fred decided to find a wife to share and enjoy his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting...
  10. Cricket

    Willie Nelson card trick

    https://www.youtube.com/v/KJ0ncVqrd8M&rel=0&fs=1&autoplay=1
  11. Cricket

    Maintainance job in Rio De Janeiro

    https://www.youtube.com/v/VxlKZereog0%26rel=0%26autoplay=1%26fs=1 :scared:scared:scared
  13. Cricket

    Just Fred (joke)

    An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred?, he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred?, the man responds. The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break...
  14. Cricket

    Does Madjacks have a Hilton contest team this year?

    Anybody know?
  15. Cricket

    Positive Attitude

    .. Positive Attitude Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave...
  16. Cricket

    Peeing on the flowers

    PEEING ON MY FLOWERS A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills...
  17. Cricket

    Retirement

    Someone asked me, ?Now that you?re retired, do you still have a job?? I replied, ?Yes I am my wife's sexual advisor." Somewhat shocked, they said, "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?" "Very simple, my wife has told me that when she wants my fucking advice, she'll...
  19. Cricket

    Threesome

    A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent." The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small...
  20. Cricket

    Life

    Life This is perhaps the most profound philosophy I have heard in recent times: "Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free . . . it's women who make it hard."
  21. Cricket

    Nine Thoughts To Ponder

    Number 9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world. Number 8 Life is sexually transmitted. Number 7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 6 Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his...
  22. Cricket

    Old Farmer

    An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond...
  23. Cricket

    Economic Stimulus

    Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format: Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ? A. It is money that the federal government will...
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