- Nov 1, 2006
- 1,242
- 44
- 48
Great question KOD. I'll be glad to share how I handled things and went through the tough times of my ex-wife departing and now being happier than i ever was before.
First, I wasn't afraid to hurt. I actually helped my ex-wife pack the car and I watched her drive away. I wanted to do all of that for closure's sake. I didn't want to run from the hurt. I needed to face it dead on. I learned that from having lost my father to cancer. That took me a long time to get over and be "normal" again.
For the first 3 weeks or so after the ex left, I didn't tell anyone. I felt hurt, ashamed, embarrassed, left behind, scared.......and I didn't know what normal was anymore. My normal for over 9 years was coming home to be a part of a team. I had to re-learn how to be me again. Sounds easy but you'd be really surprised that it's not.
After I started sharing with friends and family what had happened, that started the healing. Talking about it helps. It's ok to hurt and share about that hurt. It gets it all out of you and doesn't make you hold yourself hostage to such painful feelings. Eventually, my coworkers and friends were more mad at my ex than I was. I ultimately figured out that if she truly wasn't happy, then how could I possibly be as happy as I needed to be? So she did us both a huge favor and I hadn't even realized it.
But then came making myself available to date. That's a whole different ballgame. Dating isn't the same as it was 12-13 years ago. I ended up dating a woman that lived an hour from me that i had known for years. She worked in another office that I used to work in. She was one of the people that had sent well-wishes once my divorce became public knowledge. (Some people would argue that she was instantly angling to date me.....and had an agenda with her well wishes). That's neither here nor there. We dated for a few months and it was an overall good experience to have. She wasn't the right person for me and I learned that. And for the first time....I actually had to have a conversation with a woman and break up with her. Ya see, I'm a "stick it out" kind of guy. I choose to see the best in people and I always think that things will improve. But I had learned through my experience that sometimes you can't view the world that way. I was 36 and wanted kids....and wasting time with the wrong person wasn't going to do me any good. The lady i was dating just wasn't ready for a guy like me. She had been mistreated in the past and I did nothing but treat her well. I gave until it hurt and got minimal in return. I already knew that's not what i wanted. So that relationship ended.
Back to square one, right? It was good to be without someone for a period of time. I was ok coming home and being by myself. I wasn't mournful or hurt. I was just living life......until one day.......
Something magical kind of happened. 15 years prior, I had met a waitress on one of my Putt-Putt trips. She was a small town girl and was absolutely cute. I was 21 at the time....but it wasn't my style to ask for a phone number from a waitress. Lucky for me, I was there with friends who didn't really care about that. One of them asked for her number on my behalf. She shot me down. I didn't know why, I just knew that my friend came back with no digits. At the time, being 21, easy come easy go right?
Well, back to the present.....I'm at work one day and I check my facebook account at lunch. I had a seemingly random friend request from an attractive woman. We had no mutual friends listed so I couldnt help to think that this was a "catfish" type situation. I didn't react to the friend request at that moment and waited until I went home. Once I got home, I looked into this mystery woman a little bit more. She was a real person and she did have a face that rung a bell but I just couldnt place. So what the hell....I friended her out of curiosity. What's the worst that could happen?
Best decision of my life. It was the waitress from 15 years ago! How's that even possible??? On her side, she was talking with a co-worker one day about a guy that reminded her of Jimmy Stewart that played professional putt-putt....and remembered my name was Bart. Her friend encouraged her to look me up. I doesnt take a rocket scientist to realize that if you google Bart and Professional Putt Putt together, there is really only one result.
So that's how it all began. We talked on facebook and eventually the phone for a couple of weeks. Then I asked her out on our first real date. It was going to be on a Tuesday. I left work at lunch to drive 2 hours to meet her (She lived in Asheville NC). We met around 2pm. When I pulled into the "Live Work Play" type of complex we had agreed to meet at, I was so nervous....but a good nervous. What happened next is history. I parked and called her.....figured out that I had parked close to her. I stood up out of my car and she was on a little walkway, walking my direction with a big smile on her face. She was absolutely gorgeous....and I can still see that smile today. We hung up the phone and walked the 50 or so feet towards each other and shared an embrace. After about 10 seconds, we pulled back from each other....still arm in arm......and I kissed her. I don't know why or how I got that kind of confidence but the moment just sort of struck me and I laid one on her. Clearly that had a HUGE chance to backfire....but it just didn't. And that was the first of many kisses on that afternoon.
After spending the entire afternoon and evening hanging out and talking....and just learning about one another, we parted ways just before midnight so I could make the two hour drive home. I would have stayed all night just to keep talking to this woman. I was captivated by her presence. I would tell she was special.....and subsequent time together only proved that she's the woman that I've always been looking for. Each day is confirmation that she's who I am supposed to marry, have kids, grow old, etc, with. She makes me a better person. She never judges me and she encourages me. Hell, I am playing Putt Putt again this year all because of her. She knew that I missed it a little bit so she all but sent in the membership application for me. Having a support system like that is an amazing feeling.
I could write forever on this topic but I'll cut it short. If you have follow up questions, I'm all for them. You guys know me by know....I'm an open book. I'm not perfect and I always try to be the best person I can be....but I make mistakes. When I make mistakes, Linz is there to pick me up and make me feel better about myself. I wish everyone could find a relationship like the one I have.
Saying that i am looking forward to September 20th is a massive understatement. I can't wait to marry the woman I met 15 years ago......and never knew she would one day be my wife.
Sorry I just couldn't resist
