Quick thinking ~

[buddy]

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet,
and told he would not be released until he made up a pun
about the situation.






He immediately shouted,








"Oh, pun the door!"

 

[gardenweasel]

 

[buddy]

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.

An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water. A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

"Fishing," replied the old man.

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman. So he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, "And how many have you caught?"

"You're the eighth."

 

[gardenweasel]

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.

An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water. A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

"Fishing," replied the old man.

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman. So he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, "And how many have you caught?"

"You're the eighth."

much better....

 

[Sportsaholic]

These two Poles are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away. He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end." The buddy gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!"




:0003

 

[buddy]

These two Poles are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away. He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end." The buddy gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!"




:0003

https://youtu.be/Iv6C8q_8hJU

 

[Sportsaholic]

https://youtu.be/Iv6C8q_8hJU

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/gBzJGckMYO4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZdoOaDmFuO0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


A Polack walked into a bar and sat down at the bar, where a news report was on TV. On the news a man was on a ledge outside an upper floor of a building threatening to jump. The bartender, who'd seen the news report before said, "I'll bet you $50 he's going to jump." The Polack took the bet and put down a $50 bill on the bar. Then the man on the ledge jumped to his death. The bartender picked up the $50 bill but then, realizing that he'd taken advantage of a poor, dumb Polack, his conscience got the better of him and he said, "Look, I'm going to give you back your money. I have to confess that I saw that news report before." "That's O.K.," said the Polack, "I saw it before too, but I didn't think he was gonna do it again!"


<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/l7baSkrvdUo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[MadJack]

These two Poles are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away. He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end." The buddy gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!"




:0003

:mj07::mj07::mj07::mj07::mj07::mj07::mj07:

 

[PAChicky]

A man feared his wife was not hearing as well as she used to, and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 'Here's what you do,' said the doctor. 'Stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away. Let's see what happens.' In a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and repeats, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, What's for dinner?'

Again, no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, What's for dinner?'

Again, there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

'Earl, for the 5th time, CHICKEN!'

 

[buddy]

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "A B C D E F G H I J K."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about I J K?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

 

[REFLOG]

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "A B C D E F G H I J K."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about I J K?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

:142smilie

 

[Sportsaholic]

A blonde goes into a hardware store and tells the sells clerk "I need some 4 by 2's." The sells clerk asks, "Do you mean 2 by 4's?" The blonde says, "Hold on a second." She goes outside for a moment then comes back in and says, "Yes, that's what I need, some 2 by 4's." The clerk asks her, "How long do you need them?" The blonde says, "Hold on a second." and goes back outside for a moment upon returning she says, "We need them a long time. We're building a house."


:0003

 

[MadJack]

A blonde goes into a hardware store and tells the sells clerk "I need some 4 by 2's." The sells clerk asks, "Do you mean 2 by 4's?" The blonde says, "Hold on a second." She goes outside for a moment then comes back in and says, "Yes, that's what I need, some 2 by 4's." The clerk asks her, "How long do you need them?" The blonde says, "Hold on a second." and goes back outside for a moment upon returning she says, "We need them a long time. We're building a house."


:0003

:142smilie:142smilie:142smilie:142smilie:142smilie

 

[Sportsaholic]

Jack calls his favorite Pizza Joint and orders a Large Pepperoni & Jalape?o.....The owner says no problem Jack, do you want that cut into 6 slices or 8???......Jack thinks for a second and replies, make it 6 slices, I could never eat 8........



:0008

 

[buddy]

"Well, a har dee har har and away we go!!!!"

:lol:

 

[buddy]

What do you call a man with no body and just a nose?
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Nobody nose

 

[Sportsaholic]

Joe pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Trevor where he'd first had sex. "It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Joe recalled. "That sounds wonderful," said Trevor. "Yes. It was ok until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us." "Oh my God!!! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"



























..... "Baaaaaaa." said Joe.




:0008