guy gets a knock at the door....

gardenweasel

gardenweasel

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guy gets a knock at the door ,
opens the door nothing there, looks down, sees a snail on the stoop. ...
he picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can....

three days later,a knock at the door...
opens the door, nothing there, looks down; same snail...
snail says, "what the hell was that about?"
 
gardenweasel

gardenweasel

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"the bunker"
a snail and a turtle decided to race.... as they were coming down the stretch there was a collision....

when they awoke in the hospital the turtle asked the snail what happened, and the snail replied, "i don't know, it happened so fast!"

:shrug:
 
MadJack

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:00x12 :00x12

keep up the good work, guys.




























































:SIB
 
gardenweasel

gardenweasel

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blonde on blonde......

a blonde was driving real fast and got pulled over by the highway patrol for speeding... the highway patrol officer also was blonde... she walked up to the driver's door and asked the driver for her license, registration, and insurance card...the blonde driver immediately started looking through her purse...after a few minutes, the highway patrol officer asked her what was wrong.... "i don't think I can find my driver's license - what should it look like?", said the driver... "it's a small rectangle with your picture on it", replied the blonde highway patrol officer....

"oh, here it is", said the driver as she opened her compact and saw herself in the mirror....she passed the 'license' to the officer. ...the officer opened it and looked inside....

"i didn't know you were a police officer too, i'll let you go....drive safely".....
 
A

AR182

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gardenweasel said:
blonde on blonde......

a blonde was driving real fast and got pulled over by the highway patrol for speeding... the highway patrol officer also was blonde... she walked up to the driver's door and asked the driver for her license, registration, and insurance card...the blonde driver immediately started looking through her purse...after a few minutes, the highway patrol officer asked her what was wrong.... "i don't think I can find my driver's license - what should it look like?", said the driver... "it's a small rectangle with your picture on it", replied the blonde highway patrol officer....

"oh, here it is", said the driver as she opened her compact and saw herself in the mirror....she passed the 'license' to the officer. ...the officer opened it and looked inside....

"i didn't know you were a police officer too, i'll let you go....drive safely".....
Click to expand...

:142smilie :142smilie
 
A

AR182

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here's one....

here's one....

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.

He walked in; She turned and said,

You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

His eyes lit up and he thought,

'This is my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her

and then gave it his all;

Right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said,

'Thanks,'

and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asked,

'What was that all about?'

She explained,

'The egg timer's broken.'
 
IntenseOperator

IntenseOperator

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A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized with her and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
 
Kanuck

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Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again.

They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."

So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate's looking at him and thinks he's gone completely nuts.

Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Hey, you're not a bit of string, are you?"

The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot
 
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